Here are a few ideas for the shut-in on your list, that care home dweller who seemingly needs nothing.
Buy some cards that say "Best wishes in the New Year" or "Wishing you health and happiness in the New Year" and write a little something in them on behalf of your loved one and mail them off to friends and family. Obtain their address book and buy some stamps and write something cheery before posting.
An alternate to this is preparing a letter on your computer and printing off some copies to mail. Get creative and tell those near and far about the view from the window, the carolers who stopped by, the concerts that have been held at the care home, and the cute little kindergarten kids who came in for a visit. If you want, you can copy my template found below.
If your golden oldie is still able to sign their name, get them to do that on the bottom. It will make them feel like they can give it their personal touch.
Night lights make a good gift. One year I purchased some winter themed night lights and put them in the bathroom and near the door for a couple of people. As well, I bought some static plastic peel stickers for a friend's windows and decorated near the bed for them and on the mirror.
Marmalade and special jams still make a good gift even if they don't have their own kitchen and don't make their own toast. The care aids will put your loved one's name on the lid and will give them a special serving every morning.
Shiny tissue boxes make a room look brighter and this time of year there are dozens of Kleenex and Royale brands that have fun winter themed decorations on the packages.
You can make your own flower arrangements if you have time. Red and white carnations come at an inexpensive price and putting them in a vase or dish with some greenery you nabbed from the neighbour's place (just joking!) as well as a candy cane and a tree ornament thrown into the mix can really bring cheer. Keep in mind that there will not be much room on their bedside table so the arrangement should be fairly small. If you don't live in the same town, you can always have FTD send a small bouquet. Flowers (unscented) never lose their appeal. Gentlemen like flowers too!
If there's a dry erase board or a bulletin board in the room, perhaps decorating it for them would be a nice gift. Photos of family, Christmas cards, poetry, etc. would be a lovely thing to look at for those who must remain in bed for long periods of time.
Some folks like massage and some don't. Ask them if they'd like a student from the massage school to visit them. Bedside visits from massage therapists are very reasonably priced gifts that are practical and personal. Or, you yourself might want to give a scalp massage, a foot massage, a hand massage as a gift. Bring your own mildly scented cream and gently proceed to work your magic. Obviously granny won't want her newly styled hair-do to be messed up, so check before you give her a massage or a brushing!
CDs with their favorite type of music are a good purchase, but why not consider engaging a music therapist to come on a weekly visit to sing with them? Call your local conservatory of music or music school and see if they offer that service.
Chocolates (for those who don't have swallowing difficulties) still rule as one of the number one gifts. Check with the RN on duty before you purchase candy or chocolate as the person might be diabetic. There are some really good diabetic chocolates out there though if they are allowed to partake. Most people do well with an inner core of heavenly cream filled chocolates,but stay away from purchasing toffees, anything too chewy, or nuts. If their bed isn't in an upright position or if the teeth aren't in good condition, chocolates with nuts can be a choking hazard!
A small bed-side TV would be good for anyone who still enjoys and can follow t.v. and can be picked up for less than $100 at some retail outlets. Flat screens are made for small spaces these days!
Digital photo frames are a wonderful piece of technology that make people feel connected and loved. You load some favorite pics onto the unit and leave it scrolling through dozens of memories providing hours of enjoyment.
Get creative, don't stress, there's still time to make this happen. One final note: the care aids and nurses, activity aids, and others who provide support for your loved one, will not refuse a small gift of appreciation. You can leave a box of mandarin oranges, shortbread cookies, or an assortment of teas for all to enjoy in the staff room or nursing station. If you have special people you want to thank, gift cards for different coffee houses, department stores and movie theaters are sure to be used and appreciated.
Now, as promised above...
Here's my sample letter for those of you who just can't think of what to write:
Dear Ones,
This year had its challenges with health problems but you know me, I am never one to complain (:
I have a ________view of ________ from my room/bed. I am in a private/shared room and it is _______.
The staff here are ____________ and I think they are ____________! The meals are ________ and I particularly enjoy/dislike the ____________.
We are allowed/not allowed to have pets so I have ___________ as a companion. Recently I had visits from __________ and ____________.
They throw some pretty good parties and concerts here and as I am not blind/deaf, I have had the good pleasure of ______________.
I went on an outing recently to _________________ and saw____________.
On my birthday, I __________________. For Thanksgiving, I _______________(insert: can't remember?)
This holiday season I send lots of _______________ to you and yours. I hope that this finds you in good spirits and ________________.
Additional info:
Yours,
Granny Garbanzo
Monday 19 December 2011
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover (Or its title!)
Recently I received an email from a friend welcoming me to look at his holiday photographs. Since I was eager to see his growing family, I opened up the file and discovered to my horror his snapshots of a hunting trip! As I am not a hunter, these pictures disturbed me.
I bring this to your attention because I know that there are people out there who stay away from my blog because the title has frightened them away. My friend's title drew me in and made me curious, as it asked me to see his holiday pictures. On the other hand, my ramblings have not been read by people who fear that my title has some macabre connotation. Although it hasn't been said in exactly these words I think they feel that Make Dying Fun is a disrespectful and flippant title.
Many folks have offered alternate titles for my book and blog which bear the same title. "Why not call it something like Dying With Dignity?" they plead. "Tips for Seniors with Dementia" as an alternate add-on.
People have asked me to remove them from my mailing list because they don't have time to read it or because they are not "bloggers". Fair enough.
There have been many positives about my title. Some have written me their praises for taking the rigidity out of dying. Accolades abound of those who think that I have taken a stuffy subject and had some fun with it. and say"Never change your title!"
Believe me, I have bandied about the idea of changing the title but I always come back with the same notion that it wasn't "MY" title to begin with. It was sent to me in the form of a lightning bolt (figuratively not literally!) as I was driving along one day, minding my own business. From out of nowhere a voice said loudly "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun." As you can well imagine, I was a bit startled and before I had time to pull over and check whether I perhaps had a fever, the voice said again, more insistently a second time, "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun!"
I chose not to ignore the voice and this is the result, lively and upbeat stories of those in their Golden Years heading towards the Great Beyond. If you check my under-construction website it advises searchers that if they have come to this place looking to learn how to tie-dye, they have come to the wrong place!
I don't know whose voice I heard that day while driving but I do know that it was very adamant. I have been thinking back to why that voice said it had to be Fun, and why hadn't the word "Delightful" or "De-Lightful" or "Enlightening" been used, rather than "FUN"? Lately, I have had thoughts about my Grandmother and how she would take me on wonderful trips which included outings to museums, theatres, art galleries, deserts, parks,etc. and after one such adventure I thanked her and said how much fun it had been, to which she responded, "Honey Child, I hope you didn't just think it was fun, I hope you learned something." She then added "These things I do with you are meant to be enjoyable but there's also an element of learning. I hope it was fun but I also hope it was educational and that you learned something".
So, dear reader, share this blog with your friends and co-workers if you think they can benefit from it and feel free to make comments leaving your name or by choosing to remaining anonymous on my comments area. I hope you have fun here but it'd be nice if you learned something as well!
BTW, if you are at a loss as to what to buy a special senior this holiday season, my next installment will feature a list of gift ideas for those who seem to have everything or need very little in their last years on this earth. As one dear lady said to me "With all my aches and pains, getting old is no fun at all, but having you as a friend, certainly makes it better."
I bring this to your attention because I know that there are people out there who stay away from my blog because the title has frightened them away. My friend's title drew me in and made me curious, as it asked me to see his holiday pictures. On the other hand, my ramblings have not been read by people who fear that my title has some macabre connotation. Although it hasn't been said in exactly these words I think they feel that Make Dying Fun is a disrespectful and flippant title.
Many folks have offered alternate titles for my book and blog which bear the same title. "Why not call it something like Dying With Dignity?" they plead. "Tips for Seniors with Dementia" as an alternate add-on.
People have asked me to remove them from my mailing list because they don't have time to read it or because they are not "bloggers". Fair enough.
There have been many positives about my title. Some have written me their praises for taking the rigidity out of dying. Accolades abound of those who think that I have taken a stuffy subject and had some fun with it. and say"Never change your title!"
Believe me, I have bandied about the idea of changing the title but I always come back with the same notion that it wasn't "MY" title to begin with. It was sent to me in the form of a lightning bolt (figuratively not literally!) as I was driving along one day, minding my own business. From out of nowhere a voice said loudly "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun." As you can well imagine, I was a bit startled and before I had time to pull over and check whether I perhaps had a fever, the voice said again, more insistently a second time, "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun!"
I chose not to ignore the voice and this is the result, lively and upbeat stories of those in their Golden Years heading towards the Great Beyond. If you check my under-construction website it advises searchers that if they have come to this place looking to learn how to tie-dye, they have come to the wrong place!
I don't know whose voice I heard that day while driving but I do know that it was very adamant. I have been thinking back to why that voice said it had to be Fun, and why hadn't the word "Delightful" or "De-Lightful" or "Enlightening" been used, rather than "FUN"? Lately, I have had thoughts about my Grandmother and how she would take me on wonderful trips which included outings to museums, theatres, art galleries, deserts, parks,etc. and after one such adventure I thanked her and said how much fun it had been, to which she responded, "Honey Child, I hope you didn't just think it was fun, I hope you learned something." She then added "These things I do with you are meant to be enjoyable but there's also an element of learning. I hope it was fun but I also hope it was educational and that you learned something".
So, dear reader, share this blog with your friends and co-workers if you think they can benefit from it and feel free to make comments leaving your name or by choosing to remaining anonymous on my comments area. I hope you have fun here but it'd be nice if you learned something as well!
BTW, if you are at a loss as to what to buy a special senior this holiday season, my next installment will feature a list of gift ideas for those who seem to have everything or need very little in their last years on this earth. As one dear lady said to me "With all my aches and pains, getting old is no fun at all, but having you as a friend, certainly makes it better."
Monday 21 November 2011
The Garden of Happiness
It was hard to find a card today that had the right sentiment for the family of a lady who lived to be 105! The "With Sympathy" cards just didn't seem appropriate for this time of loss. Bea just wasn't any lady, she was my dear friend and we met when she was in her late nineties. She had such a positive outlook on life and on death. She lived like each day after her 100th birthday was a blessing.
We met through a mutual friend named Laurie, a dear soul whose memory was failing. It was at Laurie's 90th birthday party that Bea encouraged me to bring Laurie over for tea whenever I could manage it. Darling Bea who had poor eyesight and poor hearing but a mind as sharp as a tack was often the co-ordinator of small luncheons and tea parties for two and memorial gatherings.
Bea didn't do all this hosting single-handedly, she had help from two wonderful daughters and grandchildren galore. It was because of family members who adored her that she was able to live in her own modest home until mobility issues restricted her from remaining there.
Her house was sold to a nice young family and Bea moved into a nursing home. It was actually a transitional place that was temporary until a more suitable permanent lodging could be secured. It was here that I visited her in a nice bright room overlooking a garden and I asked of her state of being. She replied "I vowed that I would be happy no matter where they put me". Her smile was genuine and she continued "And I am happy".
Not long after that, she had to be moved to another facility. Her room was on one of the higher floors of the building and garden access was not particularly easy. When weather permitted, she would be out breathing the fresh air, thanks to someone pushing her wheelchair onto the elevator and someone else delivering her to the main floor garden exit. Her daughters visited usually on alternate days so Bea felt anything but lonely. She had decided to be happy here also.
Bea's handwriting became shakey but it didn't stop her from sending me annual Christmas cards. I delighted in showing people the cards I received from my centenarian gal-pal. I also found it fun to ask when buying a greeting card for Bea's birthday each October if they had anything that celebrated being 101 or anything that congratulated someone who was turning 102 years old, and so on! Usually I just wrote on her card "WOW!"
Her strong voice would greet me on the other end of the phone line when I called her and it was equally as strong sounding when she phoned me. Her keen mind retained bits of information I had told her previously and she would inquire about my children and what they were involved with.
Last week I received a phone call from one of her daughters informing me that her mother had passed away peacefully and had been "with it" up until a few days prior to her leaving this world. I didn't cry with the news but smiled broadly that I had known such a remarkable woman.
Today was funeral day for Bea and I awakened with Beethoven's 9th Symphony playing in my head. The words to "Ode to Joy" sprang from my lips.
Joyful, joyful we adore Thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness,
drive the dark of doubt away;
giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day.
When I walked into the small chapel, I picked up the programme which read "Thanksgiving for the life of Bea" and to my delight I found at the back of the folded document, the words to ODE TO JOY, the only song that had been chosen for us to sing at this parting celebration!
I imagine now that she is sitting in the garden of eternal happiness. Way to go Bea, 105, WOW!
We met through a mutual friend named Laurie, a dear soul whose memory was failing. It was at Laurie's 90th birthday party that Bea encouraged me to bring Laurie over for tea whenever I could manage it. Darling Bea who had poor eyesight and poor hearing but a mind as sharp as a tack was often the co-ordinator of small luncheons and tea parties for two and memorial gatherings.
Bea didn't do all this hosting single-handedly, she had help from two wonderful daughters and grandchildren galore. It was because of family members who adored her that she was able to live in her own modest home until mobility issues restricted her from remaining there.
Her house was sold to a nice young family and Bea moved into a nursing home. It was actually a transitional place that was temporary until a more suitable permanent lodging could be secured. It was here that I visited her in a nice bright room overlooking a garden and I asked of her state of being. She replied "I vowed that I would be happy no matter where they put me". Her smile was genuine and she continued "And I am happy".
Not long after that, she had to be moved to another facility. Her room was on one of the higher floors of the building and garden access was not particularly easy. When weather permitted, she would be out breathing the fresh air, thanks to someone pushing her wheelchair onto the elevator and someone else delivering her to the main floor garden exit. Her daughters visited usually on alternate days so Bea felt anything but lonely. She had decided to be happy here also.
Bea's handwriting became shakey but it didn't stop her from sending me annual Christmas cards. I delighted in showing people the cards I received from my centenarian gal-pal. I also found it fun to ask when buying a greeting card for Bea's birthday each October if they had anything that celebrated being 101 or anything that congratulated someone who was turning 102 years old, and so on! Usually I just wrote on her card "WOW!"
Her strong voice would greet me on the other end of the phone line when I called her and it was equally as strong sounding when she phoned me. Her keen mind retained bits of information I had told her previously and she would inquire about my children and what they were involved with.
Last week I received a phone call from one of her daughters informing me that her mother had passed away peacefully and had been "with it" up until a few days prior to her leaving this world. I didn't cry with the news but smiled broadly that I had known such a remarkable woman.
Today was funeral day for Bea and I awakened with Beethoven's 9th Symphony playing in my head. The words to "Ode to Joy" sprang from my lips.
Joyful, joyful we adore Thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness,
drive the dark of doubt away;
giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day.
When I walked into the small chapel, I picked up the programme which read "Thanksgiving for the life of Bea" and to my delight I found at the back of the folded document, the words to ODE TO JOY, the only song that had been chosen for us to sing at this parting celebration!
I imagine now that she is sitting in the garden of eternal happiness. Way to go Bea, 105, WOW!
Wednesday 16 November 2011
Joy Gives Us Wings
Some folks rely on a certain caffeinated drink to give them wings and awaken them. Red Bull has a great marketing scheme that has you believing that if you drink it you will have the ability to fly, or at least be revitalized and lively.
I know another way to feel as though you are soaring and it comes from within. It's that wonderful feeling of joy and it is often brought by others and shared. It is visible and it is measured by the smile on one's face or the glint in their eyes. It can be contagious and it can be instant. Joy has the ability to make someone stop slouching and sit up taller. It can be subtle and delayed but when it hits, the heart stops aching.
For those living with memory loss, life can be confusing and muddled. Grey matter in the brain has taken the place where some happy memories were sure to have been stored. Joy can be infused on a daily basis by those people who visit and care for the elderly. You can bring it by sharing your art work and then encouraging your loved one to colour or doodle. You can bring it in the form of song. You can send it in a letter.
I have seen joy brought in the form of cookies. Chocolate Chip work really well! Ice Cream Sundaes on a Friday afternoon brought a lot of joy to the residents of a care home where I visited. The care aids went around with a trolley and offered ice cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream to their eager residents.
School groups and daycares bring a ton of palpable joy. From the moment the children walk into an assisted living facility, an air of joy is felt. Sure, there are some seniors who don't like the noise and perhaps have never been fond of kids but a kind handshake or a little hug is virtually guaranteed to lift a spirit or two.
There are some pretty amazing care aids in those care homes. They work day in and day out on the front line. They are the first to say "Good Morning" to their residents. They take the shame out of some acts of personal hygiene and while most of us couldn't carry out the tasks that require a strong back (and stomach!) those angels maintain joyfulness.
I often wonder do they bring the joy to work with them or is the joy found at their work? It's probably not found in the mundane tasks they carry out that causes the joy to well up. A lot of it is found from seeing the residents themselves. Some employees get up before dawn in order to get to their shift at the care home. That can't be terribly joyful, can it? Yet, they often let their light shine and they bring along with it dignity in a form of service unparalleled.
Thank you to all you joy bringers! You know who you are but I will name some of you anyway. Health Care Workers like Amanda, Sandy, Yasmin, Kim, Mary, Bev, Barb,Brenda, Carol, Lynn, Linda, Carl, Chris, Paul, Marie, Denny, Terry,Kristy, Kerry, Carrie, Colleen,Tricia, Joanie, Jessie, Stephanie, Janelle, Lorraine (who I just recently met!) Addey, and on and on. Some of you are physiotherapists,social workers,cleaners, activity aids, and food preparation people who sometimes go out of your way to make someone smile.
Remember though, that economic cut-backs are resulting in the slimming down of many branches of health care. Staff can only be spread so thin. If your senior is still needing a little bit more personal human contact and you have the funds, consider hiring a Paid Companion. They are a great way to bring some joy around on a regular basis. Ask at your local care home or check seniors directories, for recommendations of reliable and joyful people to visit your loved one. Not only do we companions like pushing people around for a living (of course I mean in a wheelchair!) most of us have patience and joy in abundant supply. A big thanks to those who I have had the pleasure of associating with,and who make their money in this field. Kudos to Kristina, Cathy, Michele, Solange, Alex, Louisa, and Della, to name a few.
The uplifting of a spirit is one of the soul purposes (pardon the pun) of the Spiritual Care Department. Most facilities have resident or visiting clergy and volunteers who are trained and happy to bring a denominational or non-denominational brand of joy with them. They have good listening ears, and as well can fit the needs of the patient by supplying books, CDs, and information about worship services that they offer on a weekly or monthly basis.
And finally, to the regular volunteers and visitors who bring your pet-therapy dogs in for visits, your children, your art therapy, your choirs, your manicures, I thank you for sharing YOUR joy!
A little joy goes a long way. While a cup of coffee or a super caffeinated something or other from a can may give us the ability to soar, joy gives us wings and doesn't give us the jitters.
I know another way to feel as though you are soaring and it comes from within. It's that wonderful feeling of joy and it is often brought by others and shared. It is visible and it is measured by the smile on one's face or the glint in their eyes. It can be contagious and it can be instant. Joy has the ability to make someone stop slouching and sit up taller. It can be subtle and delayed but when it hits, the heart stops aching.
For those living with memory loss, life can be confusing and muddled. Grey matter in the brain has taken the place where some happy memories were sure to have been stored. Joy can be infused on a daily basis by those people who visit and care for the elderly. You can bring it by sharing your art work and then encouraging your loved one to colour or doodle. You can bring it in the form of song. You can send it in a letter.
I have seen joy brought in the form of cookies. Chocolate Chip work really well! Ice Cream Sundaes on a Friday afternoon brought a lot of joy to the residents of a care home where I visited. The care aids went around with a trolley and offered ice cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream to their eager residents.
School groups and daycares bring a ton of palpable joy. From the moment the children walk into an assisted living facility, an air of joy is felt. Sure, there are some seniors who don't like the noise and perhaps have never been fond of kids but a kind handshake or a little hug is virtually guaranteed to lift a spirit or two.
There are some pretty amazing care aids in those care homes. They work day in and day out on the front line. They are the first to say "Good Morning" to their residents. They take the shame out of some acts of personal hygiene and while most of us couldn't carry out the tasks that require a strong back (and stomach!) those angels maintain joyfulness.
I often wonder do they bring the joy to work with them or is the joy found at their work? It's probably not found in the mundane tasks they carry out that causes the joy to well up. A lot of it is found from seeing the residents themselves. Some employees get up before dawn in order to get to their shift at the care home. That can't be terribly joyful, can it? Yet, they often let their light shine and they bring along with it dignity in a form of service unparalleled.
Thank you to all you joy bringers! You know who you are but I will name some of you anyway. Health Care Workers like Amanda, Sandy, Yasmin, Kim, Mary, Bev, Barb,Brenda, Carol, Lynn, Linda, Carl, Chris, Paul, Marie, Denny, Terry,Kristy, Kerry, Carrie, Colleen,Tricia, Joanie, Jessie, Stephanie, Janelle, Lorraine (who I just recently met!) Addey, and on and on. Some of you are physiotherapists,social workers,cleaners, activity aids, and food preparation people who sometimes go out of your way to make someone smile.
Remember though, that economic cut-backs are resulting in the slimming down of many branches of health care. Staff can only be spread so thin. If your senior is still needing a little bit more personal human contact and you have the funds, consider hiring a Paid Companion. They are a great way to bring some joy around on a regular basis. Ask at your local care home or check seniors directories, for recommendations of reliable and joyful people to visit your loved one. Not only do we companions like pushing people around for a living (of course I mean in a wheelchair!) most of us have patience and joy in abundant supply. A big thanks to those who I have had the pleasure of associating with,and who make their money in this field. Kudos to Kristina, Cathy, Michele, Solange, Alex, Louisa, and Della, to name a few.
The uplifting of a spirit is one of the soul purposes (pardon the pun) of the Spiritual Care Department. Most facilities have resident or visiting clergy and volunteers who are trained and happy to bring a denominational or non-denominational brand of joy with them. They have good listening ears, and as well can fit the needs of the patient by supplying books, CDs, and information about worship services that they offer on a weekly or monthly basis.
And finally, to the regular volunteers and visitors who bring your pet-therapy dogs in for visits, your children, your art therapy, your choirs, your manicures, I thank you for sharing YOUR joy!
A little joy goes a long way. While a cup of coffee or a super caffeinated something or other from a can may give us the ability to soar, joy gives us wings and doesn't give us the jitters.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
The Sentimental Journey of Music
People with dementia can be soothed by music, uplifted by music, and also agitated by music. When selecting something for your loved one to listen to, make sure you take into account the kind of music they listened to when they were younger. Putting on a Country Music CD wouldn't be that satisfying for someone who never liked that genre. Loud marching band music or Rock n Roll playing from the speakers may have been okay for short periods of their earlier life, but remember most of them are living in the long ago past. Perhaps in their mind they are a child again or a teenager or a newlywed.
Good ol' songs from post-wartime years, can bring a smile to the face and have lyrics flowing from the lips in no time. Jazzy tunes can get the toes tapping and the hands drumming. The old guys will tell you "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got swing!" Songs repeated at each visit may get annoying and stale for you but not for them. They've forgotten they listened to it yesterday and it's all new today.
Be careful not to have the radio blasting when you take them out for a car ride. Go through your local drive-thru and get a cup of something hot to drink, leave it in the cup holder until you get to a nice park or lookout and then find a station that plays something suitable, remembering to turn it down when the advertisements come on. If the person you are with is getting restless and in a surly mood, try a different station, or just try silence for a while. Sipping your beverage and going down memory lane with music is a wonderful way to spend some quality time.
If you're normally a shower singer and reticent to sing around someone else, I encourage you to get over that fear and sing some campfire songs with them or something you remember them listening to when you were a child. Even if you only know the first few words to the song, I promise you they will most likely finish the line and continue on with the chorus.
Many extended care facilities have Music Therapists who can visit residents and for a small fee will come and visit on a weekly basis. They are trained to know what era of music the residents (given their age) will have listened to. Quietly the music therapist will strum the guitar and coax their listener to sing along and soon the heart of your senior is sure to be uplifted.
The best thing I ever thought of for a restless lady with Alzheimer's Disease was to put headphones on her to block out the hustle and bustle of the place where she was living. The music I chose for her was fun stuff like "You Are My Sunshine" and "Home, Home on the Range" and she would love to propel herself in her wheelchair up and down the halls singing along. The thing that caused everyone within earshot to grin the most was her belting out "Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let fifty cents. No phone, no pool, no pets. I ain't got no cigarettes....I'm a man of means by no means, Kiiiiing of the roooooad"! No doubt, that Roger Miller song was definitely her favorite!
Melodies whether they be gospel or sacred, classical, or contemporary, have the ability to cheer the soul and gladden the heart. Let music be a binding part of your time spent in the company of those you cherish.
"Tune in" tip: http://www.kixi.com/(boasts "music as cool now as it was then")
Good ol' songs from post-wartime years, can bring a smile to the face and have lyrics flowing from the lips in no time. Jazzy tunes can get the toes tapping and the hands drumming. The old guys will tell you "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got swing!" Songs repeated at each visit may get annoying and stale for you but not for them. They've forgotten they listened to it yesterday and it's all new today.
Be careful not to have the radio blasting when you take them out for a car ride. Go through your local drive-thru and get a cup of something hot to drink, leave it in the cup holder until you get to a nice park or lookout and then find a station that plays something suitable, remembering to turn it down when the advertisements come on. If the person you are with is getting restless and in a surly mood, try a different station, or just try silence for a while. Sipping your beverage and going down memory lane with music is a wonderful way to spend some quality time.
If you're normally a shower singer and reticent to sing around someone else, I encourage you to get over that fear and sing some campfire songs with them or something you remember them listening to when you were a child. Even if you only know the first few words to the song, I promise you they will most likely finish the line and continue on with the chorus.
Many extended care facilities have Music Therapists who can visit residents and for a small fee will come and visit on a weekly basis. They are trained to know what era of music the residents (given their age) will have listened to. Quietly the music therapist will strum the guitar and coax their listener to sing along and soon the heart of your senior is sure to be uplifted.
The best thing I ever thought of for a restless lady with Alzheimer's Disease was to put headphones on her to block out the hustle and bustle of the place where she was living. The music I chose for her was fun stuff like "You Are My Sunshine" and "Home, Home on the Range" and she would love to propel herself in her wheelchair up and down the halls singing along. The thing that caused everyone within earshot to grin the most was her belting out "Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let fifty cents. No phone, no pool, no pets. I ain't got no cigarettes....I'm a man of means by no means, Kiiiiing of the roooooad"! No doubt, that Roger Miller song was definitely her favorite!
Melodies whether they be gospel or sacred, classical, or contemporary, have the ability to cheer the soul and gladden the heart. Let music be a binding part of your time spent in the company of those you cherish.
"Tune in" tip: http://www.kixi.com/(boasts "music as cool now as it was then")
Wednesday 2 November 2011
It's All Relative
Last week's blog theme gave you some ideas on how to stay active for as long as possible in the sense that even when your mobility is limited, there are still ways to enjoy sport on some level. This week I carry on the activity theme with the amazing example of my father-in-law. Today, as a matter of fact, he turns 80!
He looks and acts like a man in his 60's. Is he gifted with the longevity gene? We'll know when he marks his 90th and 100th birthday. Has he found the Fountain of Youth? Not that we know of.
What we do know is with this guy "attitude is everything" and nobody has told him that you are expected to slow down in your senior years. In fact, there are thousands like him who participate in sports, in clubs, in service organizations, until they no longer are physically able. Bus loads of them go each year to the Seniors Games, and flocks of them go south to Seniors Camps, (a.k.a. RV parks or Snow Bird Communities) where, thanks to temperate climate, they can play sports until the cows come home.
My father-in-law doesn't go on the long trips anymore. Not because he can't, but because he chooses not to as he is the primary caregiver of my mother in law. Her health is severely challenged. "Papa", as he is known to the grandkids, plays year round in his home town. He is on a pickle ball team (look it up if you don't know what it is), a table tennis team, and a curling team. As well, he plays tennis in the summer, and is involved in soccer practically year round.
When we threw him an 80th birthday party this past weekend there were people in attendance who play shuffleboard with him (I didn't know he played shuffleboard until they told me!) and some fellow dart players, as well as some younger people who had been trained as soccer referees by him. The Rotarians were there, he's been a member of Rotary for dozens of years,(actually 40 years!) and the Hospital Board's chairman was in attendance and thanked the Birthday Boy for his selfless hours of fundraising for the foundation.
He slows down on Sunday mornings (slightly) when he spends an hour of reflection at his church. There were members of that congregation singing his praises at the party as well.
Was this guy blessed with the gift of good health his entire life? No, he's had his share of ups and downs. A couple of heart attacks when he hit 60 made him re-think his life. He now keeps his stress to a minimum and replaced his bacon and egg breakfast with oatmeal. (It's not that I am against eggs that I mention this, but certainly the toast wiped through the bacon grease each and every morning wasn't good for his cholesterol levels!) I think he takes an aspirin a day to keep his blood thin but I don't think he's taking much in the way of medication.
Papa got a lot of cards from those gathered at his party. Well wishers wrote kind messages, jokes, and some included photos of him having tons of fun. Someone had put a lot of effort into a homemade card and had cut out a photo of him standing next to soccer great, David Beckham! I debated on whether to give him a sappy card or a humourous card which showed a geriatric referee with a whistle in his mouth, and inside read "You're Old. Game Over!" I went with the sappy instead, although I know he would have appreciated the humour of the other. Maybe next year!
The card that stuck in my mind the most, and I looked through them all, was the one with a photo of an old guy playing basketball and a quote from George Bernard Shaw. It said "We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing!"
Ralph Owens is a kid at heart and is an example of deeds meaning more than words, of generosity, of selflessness, of humility, and of stamina. If you live your life like him, pat yourself on the back and be proud. Raise your glass of prune juice one and all and as Nike says "Just Do it".
He looks and acts like a man in his 60's. Is he gifted with the longevity gene? We'll know when he marks his 90th and 100th birthday. Has he found the Fountain of Youth? Not that we know of.
What we do know is with this guy "attitude is everything" and nobody has told him that you are expected to slow down in your senior years. In fact, there are thousands like him who participate in sports, in clubs, in service organizations, until they no longer are physically able. Bus loads of them go each year to the Seniors Games, and flocks of them go south to Seniors Camps, (a.k.a. RV parks or Snow Bird Communities) where, thanks to temperate climate, they can play sports until the cows come home.
My father-in-law doesn't go on the long trips anymore. Not because he can't, but because he chooses not to as he is the primary caregiver of my mother in law. Her health is severely challenged. "Papa", as he is known to the grandkids, plays year round in his home town. He is on a pickle ball team (look it up if you don't know what it is), a table tennis team, and a curling team. As well, he plays tennis in the summer, and is involved in soccer practically year round.
When we threw him an 80th birthday party this past weekend there were people in attendance who play shuffleboard with him (I didn't know he played shuffleboard until they told me!) and some fellow dart players, as well as some younger people who had been trained as soccer referees by him. The Rotarians were there, he's been a member of Rotary for dozens of years,(actually 40 years!) and the Hospital Board's chairman was in attendance and thanked the Birthday Boy for his selfless hours of fundraising for the foundation.
He slows down on Sunday mornings (slightly) when he spends an hour of reflection at his church. There were members of that congregation singing his praises at the party as well.
Was this guy blessed with the gift of good health his entire life? No, he's had his share of ups and downs. A couple of heart attacks when he hit 60 made him re-think his life. He now keeps his stress to a minimum and replaced his bacon and egg breakfast with oatmeal. (It's not that I am against eggs that I mention this, but certainly the toast wiped through the bacon grease each and every morning wasn't good for his cholesterol levels!) I think he takes an aspirin a day to keep his blood thin but I don't think he's taking much in the way of medication.
Papa got a lot of cards from those gathered at his party. Well wishers wrote kind messages, jokes, and some included photos of him having tons of fun. Someone had put a lot of effort into a homemade card and had cut out a photo of him standing next to soccer great, David Beckham! I debated on whether to give him a sappy card or a humourous card which showed a geriatric referee with a whistle in his mouth, and inside read "You're Old. Game Over!" I went with the sappy instead, although I know he would have appreciated the humour of the other. Maybe next year!
The card that stuck in my mind the most, and I looked through them all, was the one with a photo of an old guy playing basketball and a quote from George Bernard Shaw. It said "We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing!"
Ralph Owens is a kid at heart and is an example of deeds meaning more than words, of generosity, of selflessness, of humility, and of stamina. If you live your life like him, pat yourself on the back and be proud. Raise your glass of prune juice one and all and as Nike says "Just Do it".
Wednesday 26 October 2011
Re-creating Recreation
Bob loved golf and played at least once a week until he was 94! Charlie was a pretty decent curler until he was side-lined by a stroke in his 80's. Agathe had been a good swimmer until her health took a turn for the worse in her mid-seventies. Eleanor loved skating and was nearing 100 when I had the pleasure of her company.
When I met these people, they were a little discouraged by their lack of exercise and had turned into arm-chair athletes. It didn't dampen their joy of sport though, they were enthusiastic cheerers whether it was watching their favorite game on t.v. or hearing scores on the radio.
I looked for ways that I could keep recreation in their life on some level. While many care homes have activity aids who provide carpet bowling, Wii sports, balloon toss, pretend polo, and the like, it still can be difficult to meet the needs of some residents. It just required some thought on my part as to what was realistic given eyesight and mobility issues of my clients.
I got Bob's niece to get his golf bag out of storage and dust off his putter. We set up a little practise area in the hall of his suite at the retirement home. It consisted of a device that spat his golf ball back at him after he got it in the centre. That kept him happy for a little while but sadly he fell in his bathroom one day and broke his arm, so golf was definitely out. He was content after that to have the golf channel on his television and watch the pros. As well, I took him for car rides past the golf course and once I asked him if would just like to rent a cart and go around the course, to which he declined. It was a part of his life that he had been ready to let go of.
Charlie set out on his own one day driving his electric scooter and heading straight for the World Championship of Curling being held at our local arena. The head nurse at the care home was not pleased. She had passed him in her car and had pulled over and demanded that he go back to the home because she didn't think he had the eyesight to be out maneuvering along busy city sidewalks. Charlie was irate and defied her concern over liability issues and kept right on going. She relayed all this to me upon returning to the care home where I was visiting his wife and I offered to go out and look for him. I ran along the streets and found him just a block away from the event. He was still annoyed but happy to have some company and I led him into the venue and found him a rink-side place to park his scooter in the wheelchair section. He was happy to see a good game or two that day and enjoyed yelling "Sweep" at his favorite team members. I walked beside his scooter on the way back and made sure he got to the home in one piece.
One of my fondest memories of Agathe was taking her on a hot, summer day to a local lake for a swim. She had many health issues but I felt she could manage once she got in the water. We walked in up to our waists and then she dove in with me swimming close beside her. She was so graceful and her joy was obvious. The image, even now, is easy to recall in my mind. I can see her with the sun beaming warmly upon her and the water droplets shining like diamonds on her face.
She had a fall a few weeks later and broke her hip. Never again could we go swimming as her health deteriorated but I know that weightless freedom, that care free hour we spent doing something she loved and was good at and required no memory recall was a special time for her.
Eleanor, another dear friend of mine, seemed to exist on dark chocolate, vanilla yogurt, and the occasional sandwich! Her eyesight was good at nearly 100, her hearing terrible, and her sense of humour well intact. Once I caught her throwing back Cadbury's candy coated eggs into her mouth looking quite pleased with herself. I knew that besides chocolate and good jokes she loved watching figure skating. I kept an eye out for competitions while perusing the television guide. If I saw that a competition or championship figure skating event was coming on I would get her comfy and then tune her in with either her headset turned up loud or text scrolling at the bottom so as not to disturb the others in her room. When figure skating would be on, she was fully entertained and in her element. If I wasn't going to be around, I would put a sign up at her bedside table notifying the care aids of the event. The sticky note would have day, time, and channel as a reminder so that all they had to do was turn on the t.v. for her.
If you know someone who seems to be a little down because of their inactivity, find out what they did for recreation and then re-create it.
When I met these people, they were a little discouraged by their lack of exercise and had turned into arm-chair athletes. It didn't dampen their joy of sport though, they were enthusiastic cheerers whether it was watching their favorite game on t.v. or hearing scores on the radio.
I looked for ways that I could keep recreation in their life on some level. While many care homes have activity aids who provide carpet bowling, Wii sports, balloon toss, pretend polo, and the like, it still can be difficult to meet the needs of some residents. It just required some thought on my part as to what was realistic given eyesight and mobility issues of my clients.
I got Bob's niece to get his golf bag out of storage and dust off his putter. We set up a little practise area in the hall of his suite at the retirement home. It consisted of a device that spat his golf ball back at him after he got it in the centre. That kept him happy for a little while but sadly he fell in his bathroom one day and broke his arm, so golf was definitely out. He was content after that to have the golf channel on his television and watch the pros. As well, I took him for car rides past the golf course and once I asked him if would just like to rent a cart and go around the course, to which he declined. It was a part of his life that he had been ready to let go of.
Charlie set out on his own one day driving his electric scooter and heading straight for the World Championship of Curling being held at our local arena. The head nurse at the care home was not pleased. She had passed him in her car and had pulled over and demanded that he go back to the home because she didn't think he had the eyesight to be out maneuvering along busy city sidewalks. Charlie was irate and defied her concern over liability issues and kept right on going. She relayed all this to me upon returning to the care home where I was visiting his wife and I offered to go out and look for him. I ran along the streets and found him just a block away from the event. He was still annoyed but happy to have some company and I led him into the venue and found him a rink-side place to park his scooter in the wheelchair section. He was happy to see a good game or two that day and enjoyed yelling "Sweep" at his favorite team members. I walked beside his scooter on the way back and made sure he got to the home in one piece.
One of my fondest memories of Agathe was taking her on a hot, summer day to a local lake for a swim. She had many health issues but I felt she could manage once she got in the water. We walked in up to our waists and then she dove in with me swimming close beside her. She was so graceful and her joy was obvious. The image, even now, is easy to recall in my mind. I can see her with the sun beaming warmly upon her and the water droplets shining like diamonds on her face.
She had a fall a few weeks later and broke her hip. Never again could we go swimming as her health deteriorated but I know that weightless freedom, that care free hour we spent doing something she loved and was good at and required no memory recall was a special time for her.
Eleanor, another dear friend of mine, seemed to exist on dark chocolate, vanilla yogurt, and the occasional sandwich! Her eyesight was good at nearly 100, her hearing terrible, and her sense of humour well intact. Once I caught her throwing back Cadbury's candy coated eggs into her mouth looking quite pleased with herself. I knew that besides chocolate and good jokes she loved watching figure skating. I kept an eye out for competitions while perusing the television guide. If I saw that a competition or championship figure skating event was coming on I would get her comfy and then tune her in with either her headset turned up loud or text scrolling at the bottom so as not to disturb the others in her room. When figure skating would be on, she was fully entertained and in her element. If I wasn't going to be around, I would put a sign up at her bedside table notifying the care aids of the event. The sticky note would have day, time, and channel as a reminder so that all they had to do was turn on the t.v. for her.
If you know someone who seems to be a little down because of their inactivity, find out what they did for recreation and then re-create it.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Gone But Not Forgotten
Approximately five years ago while volunteering on the geriatric ward of a local hospital I chatted with a most remarkable patient. She was bright and cheerful and chatty. It didn't take long for her to tell me that she was ninety and that up until recently had been very healthy and very independent. She lived alone and had done very well, that was, until she had fallen.
With no family and living in her own home, she found herself completely and utterly helpless lying on the carpet with a broken hip! She called out loudly but with no neighbours living in close proximity it was to no avail. She tried to move to get to the phone to call 911 but she just could not reach it.
Eventually after more than two days of pain and solitude, this woman had nearly given up. She was hungry, thirsty and cold, and she began to beseech The Almighty more fervently than ever to assist her, when all of a sudden she heard a booming voice. (She relayed to me that she was sure it was the voice of her late husband.)
"Do you see that magazine on the desk above you"? said the voice
"Yes," she answered in a faint whisper. She was sure she was delirious.
"Grab it" said the voice even louder.
"I can't!!" said my friend
"Yes you can!" said the voice
"take it and put it under you!"
so she tried and found that by stretching her arm up she managed to reach it and after one or two tries succeeded in getting the magazine to fall down beside her.
It was then that she had new resolve and determination, even in her malnourished and weakened state, and placed the glossy magazine under her bottom whereby she managed to scoot little by little across the carpet where she was able to alert -with a new found yell- the passing letter carrier, of her predicament. The postman called 911 and this dear lady was brought to hospital where she was now recouperating.
I was in awe of her by this time, I guess we had visited nearly 30 minutes, and she had become my hero. I was so inspired by her. She told me she wasn't ready to die and that she still had a lot of living to do and then I don't know why exactly she told me this information but she did, she said "and when I do go, I am leaving all my money to the SPCA," adding "I love animals and that's what I want to do."
I had often wondered about her after our visit. It was doubtful that she could go on living in her own home as she was going to need more care (and possibly be using a wheelchair) although she was hopeful she'd be walking again soon. The next time I went to see her at the hospital she had been discharged.
Well, the other day, after so many years of wondering about "Super Woman" I got my answer. It was there on the front page of the newspaper. The headline read:
To SPCA with love: a $2.5-million estate
A decades old friendship and a lifelong love of animals have given Victoria SPCA its largest-ever bequest.
Gladys Cavanagh, a former Oak Bay resident who died last fall at the age of 95, willed her entire estate, worth $2.5 million to Victoria SPCA to be used for capital projects.
The money came to Cavanagh from a friend and she always believed she was holding it in trust and that it should eventually go to the SPCA
Cavanagh, who spent her last years in an assisted living home was a private person who had been devoted to animals since she was a young woman in Winnipeg and volunteered at an animal shelter with her mother....
(Victoria Times Colonist dated Sept.29, 2011)
This bit of advice now from me to you: if your aging loved one lives alone, please see that they have a subscription to one of the glossy magazines such as National Geographic in case they need it in an emergency.
In all seriousness though, make sure they have someone who can check on them daily. Gladys didn't have any family but there are volunteer services that provide people to phone seniors at a certain time each day and if they don't answer, they send someone to check. Gladys could have also worn an alert button around her neck or wrist, many companies provide a service for a monthly fee to check on subscribers if the button is pushed. There are also many new devices that are wireless and voice activated or react to a clap or whistle or a fall (!) to turn on and call 911. If you are looking for such a service there are many listed in the yellow pages of your phone directory under Medical Alarms and other safety gadgets can be found at medical supply stores, computer stores, security companies, and The Source (still known in the USA as Radio Shack) has something that is more for personal safety if a person falls or is attacked outside. It is called "Personal Alarm" and it is made by Nexxtech. It is a necklace and if a person needs help, they pull a pin on the necklace and a screeching alarm sounds> It is sure to bring attention! It costs $10.
With no family and living in her own home, she found herself completely and utterly helpless lying on the carpet with a broken hip! She called out loudly but with no neighbours living in close proximity it was to no avail. She tried to move to get to the phone to call 911 but she just could not reach it.
Eventually after more than two days of pain and solitude, this woman had nearly given up. She was hungry, thirsty and cold, and she began to beseech The Almighty more fervently than ever to assist her, when all of a sudden she heard a booming voice. (She relayed to me that she was sure it was the voice of her late husband.)
"Do you see that magazine on the desk above you"? said the voice
"Yes," she answered in a faint whisper. She was sure she was delirious.
"Grab it" said the voice even louder.
"I can't!!" said my friend
"Yes you can!" said the voice
"take it and put it under you!"
so she tried and found that by stretching her arm up she managed to reach it and after one or two tries succeeded in getting the magazine to fall down beside her.
It was then that she had new resolve and determination, even in her malnourished and weakened state, and placed the glossy magazine under her bottom whereby she managed to scoot little by little across the carpet where she was able to alert -with a new found yell- the passing letter carrier, of her predicament. The postman called 911 and this dear lady was brought to hospital where she was now recouperating.
I was in awe of her by this time, I guess we had visited nearly 30 minutes, and she had become my hero. I was so inspired by her. She told me she wasn't ready to die and that she still had a lot of living to do and then I don't know why exactly she told me this information but she did, she said "and when I do go, I am leaving all my money to the SPCA," adding "I love animals and that's what I want to do."
I had often wondered about her after our visit. It was doubtful that she could go on living in her own home as she was going to need more care (and possibly be using a wheelchair) although she was hopeful she'd be walking again soon. The next time I went to see her at the hospital she had been discharged.
Well, the other day, after so many years of wondering about "Super Woman" I got my answer. It was there on the front page of the newspaper. The headline read:
To SPCA with love: a $2.5-million estate
A decades old friendship and a lifelong love of animals have given Victoria SPCA its largest-ever bequest.
Gladys Cavanagh, a former Oak Bay resident who died last fall at the age of 95, willed her entire estate, worth $2.5 million to Victoria SPCA to be used for capital projects.
The money came to Cavanagh from a friend and she always believed she was holding it in trust and that it should eventually go to the SPCA
Cavanagh, who spent her last years in an assisted living home was a private person who had been devoted to animals since she was a young woman in Winnipeg and volunteered at an animal shelter with her mother....
(Victoria Times Colonist dated Sept.29, 2011)
This bit of advice now from me to you: if your aging loved one lives alone, please see that they have a subscription to one of the glossy magazines such as National Geographic in case they need it in an emergency.
In all seriousness though, make sure they have someone who can check on them daily. Gladys didn't have any family but there are volunteer services that provide people to phone seniors at a certain time each day and if they don't answer, they send someone to check. Gladys could have also worn an alert button around her neck or wrist, many companies provide a service for a monthly fee to check on subscribers if the button is pushed. There are also many new devices that are wireless and voice activated or react to a clap or whistle or a fall (!) to turn on and call 911. If you are looking for such a service there are many listed in the yellow pages of your phone directory under Medical Alarms and other safety gadgets can be found at medical supply stores, computer stores, security companies, and The Source (still known in the USA as Radio Shack) has something that is more for personal safety if a person falls or is attacked outside. It is called "Personal Alarm" and it is made by Nexxtech. It is a necklace and if a person needs help, they pull a pin on the necklace and a screeching alarm sounds> It is sure to bring attention! It costs $10.
Wednesday 12 October 2011
She wasn't a Shrinking Violet
As the season change is upon us and we are gradually accepting that it is autumn and that we have to start wearing coats and boots, let us not forget those who cannot go outside whenever they wish. Those who have lost their mobility and can only sit looking out the window.
One of those was an octogenarian named Violet who sat longingly looking out at the brawny construction workers on the scaffolding of the building outside her care home. It was there that I would find her sitting in her wheelchair whiling away the hours until the next meal or the next carpet bowling session. No coaxing was needed to get her to go outside with me. "Let's go for a walk", I would say "I love pushing people around!"
I would get her coat on and out we'd go, first to look at the construction site and then for a little walk around the neighbourhood. Often we'd stop in at the corner store to get her a scratch and win lottery ticket, and on the way back I would pick up falling maple leaves for her to hold in her hands.
It was on one such day whilst dodging rain drops I accidentally pushed her chair through a mud puddle. Expecting her to scream at me to watch where I was going, she instead ordered me to "Do it again!"
With her cackling with glee I ran through the water once more and the drops sprayed up and over us. I realized at that moment that our carefree attitude of childhood gets lost over the years and then returns in our sunset years. I then decided to encourage it as the naughtiness is not followed by scolding. On rainy days thereafter, I would dress Violet in a waterproof poncho, (they only cost a dollar at the dollar store) and off we would go to face the elements. It made her feel alive! It made me laugh.
One of those was an octogenarian named Violet who sat longingly looking out at the brawny construction workers on the scaffolding of the building outside her care home. It was there that I would find her sitting in her wheelchair whiling away the hours until the next meal or the next carpet bowling session. No coaxing was needed to get her to go outside with me. "Let's go for a walk", I would say "I love pushing people around!"
I would get her coat on and out we'd go, first to look at the construction site and then for a little walk around the neighbourhood. Often we'd stop in at the corner store to get her a scratch and win lottery ticket, and on the way back I would pick up falling maple leaves for her to hold in her hands.
It was on one such day whilst dodging rain drops I accidentally pushed her chair through a mud puddle. Expecting her to scream at me to watch where I was going, she instead ordered me to "Do it again!"
With her cackling with glee I ran through the water once more and the drops sprayed up and over us. I realized at that moment that our carefree attitude of childhood gets lost over the years and then returns in our sunset years. I then decided to encourage it as the naughtiness is not followed by scolding. On rainy days thereafter, I would dress Violet in a waterproof poncho, (they only cost a dollar at the dollar store) and off we would go to face the elements. It made her feel alive! It made me laugh.
Wednesday 5 October 2011
I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for ICECREAM!
Did anyone ever say to you "You are what you eat"? I recall being told that many times in my childhood and probably more during my teens when I was buying my own junk food. Fast forward several years while travelling in the company of those now the same age as my parents and I am telling them to watch what they consume.
"Drink plenty of fluids so you don't get dehydrated" I tell those living in seniors residences, while at the same time peeling and cutting up apples for those without teeth and insisting that "an apple a day, keeps the doctor away."
One of those who smirked as I nagged about nutrition was dear old Kay. I took her for a drive three times a week. Her short term memory loss was severe but she never forgot to ask for ice cream. Chocolate was her favorite flavour although according to her she had never met an ice cream flavour she didn't like
I would get her a cone and we would sit down by the water and make small talk. Nothing too in depth, just lots of laughs in between satisfied "mmm's" as she whittled down the frozen delight with precision. Once I asked her if she would like a cup of coffee to wash down the ice cream, to which she replied "why would I do that?" "I want that flavour to stick with me for a while!"
In all four seasons, Kay would want her ice cream, it didn't matter the weather. It did start to matter to me though when she started turning the cone to the side and eating the ice cream like it was corn on the cob. The drips running down her hand and onto the seat of my van. Her confusion had her still liking the taste but forgetting how to properly eat it. I took to getting it for her in a bowl with a spoon, and when those skills deteriorated, I got her a milkshake to suck up through a straw.
There came a time when we no longer went for drives together.Her body becoming frailer, her speech getting limited, she spent longer periods in silence and I would sit with her at the hospital. Remarkably she was still the 'queen of the spelling bee',and when I would ask her how to spell ice cream, she would amaze the nurses and everyone around her by coming out of her stupor and saying clearly "I-C-E C-R-E-A-M" followed by "C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!"
The moral of this story: take your fish oil, drink lots of water, eat your apple a day, do your crossword puzzles, treat yourself once in a while, and practise your spelling. It will take you far in life!
"Drink plenty of fluids so you don't get dehydrated" I tell those living in seniors residences, while at the same time peeling and cutting up apples for those without teeth and insisting that "an apple a day, keeps the doctor away."
One of those who smirked as I nagged about nutrition was dear old Kay. I took her for a drive three times a week. Her short term memory loss was severe but she never forgot to ask for ice cream. Chocolate was her favorite flavour although according to her she had never met an ice cream flavour she didn't like
I would get her a cone and we would sit down by the water and make small talk. Nothing too in depth, just lots of laughs in between satisfied "mmm's" as she whittled down the frozen delight with precision. Once I asked her if she would like a cup of coffee to wash down the ice cream, to which she replied "why would I do that?" "I want that flavour to stick with me for a while!"
In all four seasons, Kay would want her ice cream, it didn't matter the weather. It did start to matter to me though when she started turning the cone to the side and eating the ice cream like it was corn on the cob. The drips running down her hand and onto the seat of my van. Her confusion had her still liking the taste but forgetting how to properly eat it. I took to getting it for her in a bowl with a spoon, and when those skills deteriorated, I got her a milkshake to suck up through a straw.
There came a time when we no longer went for drives together.Her body becoming frailer, her speech getting limited, she spent longer periods in silence and I would sit with her at the hospital. Remarkably she was still the 'queen of the spelling bee',and when I would ask her how to spell ice cream, she would amaze the nurses and everyone around her by coming out of her stupor and saying clearly "I-C-E C-R-E-A-M" followed by "C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!"
The moral of this story: take your fish oil, drink lots of water, eat your apple a day, do your crossword puzzles, treat yourself once in a while, and practise your spelling. It will take you far in life!
Sunday 25 September 2011
Just don't call me late for dinner
I have been called a lot of things over the years. Sounds like an opening line for a comedy sketch! Truly though, with all the people I have looked after, I have had a lot of names. It comes with the territory. I would introduce myself to some sweetie with dementia and they would promptly forget it and then every time I would visit they'd have made up a name for me. I guess I reminded them of someone they knew once upon a time.
My friend Mary called me "Joy". Once, she looked at me and she said "That's not your name,is it?!" and I replied with "No, it's not, but I like it". She then said "Well, what IS your name?" and I said "Gail". "Oh" she said, "I won't forget that, my daughter's name is Gail." and bless her, I remained "Joy" for every visit after that.
And then there was Good Ol' Eddie,age 89, he called me "Sylvia".
"Syyyylvia" he'd yell. "Come here!!"
I once asked his daughter in law, "Bye the way, who is Sylvia?" to which she replied "Oh, he likes you, he really likes you". Now I was pretty curious and asked "Oh really?"
"Yes, that was his ex-wife"!
Laurie called me "Madge", and she had decided that I was a good friend of her sister's and she always recounted how much trouble the three of us had got ourselves into.
There was a 90 year old man named Malcolm and he referred to me as "Gloria". Never known to be a church goer, he asked me just a few days before he passed on: "Have you come to take me to church, Gloria?"
The funniest name I was called though, had to have been from the lady who kept calling me "Tommy". I gathered that was because I was wearing a brand name Tommy Hilfiger jacket at the time. The Tommy insignia on the front must have had her really fooled!
Moral of the story: Don't be upset that they can't get your name right. Just go with the flow, it's a lot of fun!
My friend Mary called me "Joy". Once, she looked at me and she said "That's not your name,is it?!" and I replied with "No, it's not, but I like it". She then said "Well, what IS your name?" and I said "Gail". "Oh" she said, "I won't forget that, my daughter's name is Gail." and bless her, I remained "Joy" for every visit after that.
And then there was Good Ol' Eddie,age 89, he called me "Sylvia".
"Syyyylvia" he'd yell. "Come here!!"
I once asked his daughter in law, "Bye the way, who is Sylvia?" to which she replied "Oh, he likes you, he really likes you". Now I was pretty curious and asked "Oh really?"
"Yes, that was his ex-wife"!
Laurie called me "Madge", and she had decided that I was a good friend of her sister's and she always recounted how much trouble the three of us had got ourselves into.
There was a 90 year old man named Malcolm and he referred to me as "Gloria". Never known to be a church goer, he asked me just a few days before he passed on: "Have you come to take me to church, Gloria?"
The funniest name I was called though, had to have been from the lady who kept calling me "Tommy". I gathered that was because I was wearing a brand name Tommy Hilfiger jacket at the time. The Tommy insignia on the front must have had her really fooled!
Moral of the story: Don't be upset that they can't get your name right. Just go with the flow, it's a lot of fun!
Tuesday 20 September 2011
Eddie Money
Eddie was a packer. His bags were always ready to go by the door of his care home. As soon as I walked in to take him for an outing, he'd grab them. I would tell him to leave them as I was just going to take him for a drive. At this point, he would open his wallet and indicate that he was short on cash and needed to get to a bank. If I argued with him that he didn't need more than the four $20 bills he had in there, he would get belligerent.
So, off we would go to the downtown branch of his bank. We'd wait in line and then the moment he would get up to the teller he would tell me to scram and he'd ask for "the usual". I would go and wait dutifully on the sidelines until he got his four 20's. Thus bringing the content of his wallet to $160.
With care home expenses already paid for each month and that included food and prescriptions, there was no need for him to have that kind of cash on him just waiting to be lost or taken by another non compos mentis resident. Even if we got a package of cookies and a pair of socks at the dollar store, he'd still have an over abundance of dough. I needed to think of a solution.
I hatched a plan one day to write a note to the bank teller. I didn't want to scare her by passing her a note nor did I want Eddie to catch on to what I was doing, so it had to be done with great tact. The note read "Please give Eddie four $5 bills rather than the four $20's that he asks for. He does not need so much cash". As we stood together in line waiting for his usual teller, I felt nervous, the note folded in my hand. The young familiar face beckoned to us to come forward to her wicket, I tried to breathe calmly. As we approached, Eddie told me to get lost, that he didn't need me there. I knocked his pen on the floor and as I picked it up and put it on the counter, I slipped her the note with a wink. She opened it, read it, and nodded as I went to wait at the back. I crossed my fingers and hoped and prayed that with his poor eyesight and dementia, we would be able to pull off this covert operation.
A few minutes later I looked over as she was counting out the money to him. "One, two, three, and one more makes four." She had given him four brand new five dollar bills. He stared at the money and he stared at her, and then he stared at the money and her again. I held my breath and so did she. I could tell he knew that something wasn't quite right but he couldn't process it so at last he smiled, scooped up the money, and put it carefully in his wallet. "Victory!" I shouted in my head as I walked over to him and we walked arm in arm out of the bank. I looked back and gave her the thumb's up.
From that day forward, I took Eddie to the same teller and she gave him a more manageable $20 instead of the $80 he had been so used to receiving. I look at it as something I did tactfully. Was it dishonest? It was sneaky, but it was the right thing to do.
Here's your tip if you have a senior with too much cash on hand:
See if you can enlist the bank to understand the situation. Go to the bank manager without the senior in tow and explain the situation. Most banks get to know their regular customers and are more than happy to stop needless loss of cash. My utmost thanks to the bank tellers who have seen large cheques written to handymen by their elderly clients and have called the family or client themselves to see if the work has actually been performed. In one recent situation, the bank manager actually paid a visit to the home of the client after several large cheques were cashed. They found the elderly man in his home with absolutely no renovations performed for the money that had been paid. It seems his poor eyesight and age had prevented him from seeing how bad the situation had become. Fraud of the elderly is unfortunately prevalent in this society with all sorts of wrongs committed, including scam phone calls obtaining personal security codes, etc.
So, off we would go to the downtown branch of his bank. We'd wait in line and then the moment he would get up to the teller he would tell me to scram and he'd ask for "the usual". I would go and wait dutifully on the sidelines until he got his four 20's. Thus bringing the content of his wallet to $160.
With care home expenses already paid for each month and that included food and prescriptions, there was no need for him to have that kind of cash on him just waiting to be lost or taken by another non compos mentis resident. Even if we got a package of cookies and a pair of socks at the dollar store, he'd still have an over abundance of dough. I needed to think of a solution.
I hatched a plan one day to write a note to the bank teller. I didn't want to scare her by passing her a note nor did I want Eddie to catch on to what I was doing, so it had to be done with great tact. The note read "Please give Eddie four $5 bills rather than the four $20's that he asks for. He does not need so much cash". As we stood together in line waiting for his usual teller, I felt nervous, the note folded in my hand. The young familiar face beckoned to us to come forward to her wicket, I tried to breathe calmly. As we approached, Eddie told me to get lost, that he didn't need me there. I knocked his pen on the floor and as I picked it up and put it on the counter, I slipped her the note with a wink. She opened it, read it, and nodded as I went to wait at the back. I crossed my fingers and hoped and prayed that with his poor eyesight and dementia, we would be able to pull off this covert operation.
A few minutes later I looked over as she was counting out the money to him. "One, two, three, and one more makes four." She had given him four brand new five dollar bills. He stared at the money and he stared at her, and then he stared at the money and her again. I held my breath and so did she. I could tell he knew that something wasn't quite right but he couldn't process it so at last he smiled, scooped up the money, and put it carefully in his wallet. "Victory!" I shouted in my head as I walked over to him and we walked arm in arm out of the bank. I looked back and gave her the thumb's up.
From that day forward, I took Eddie to the same teller and she gave him a more manageable $20 instead of the $80 he had been so used to receiving. I look at it as something I did tactfully. Was it dishonest? It was sneaky, but it was the right thing to do.
Here's your tip if you have a senior with too much cash on hand:
See if you can enlist the bank to understand the situation. Go to the bank manager without the senior in tow and explain the situation. Most banks get to know their regular customers and are more than happy to stop needless loss of cash. My utmost thanks to the bank tellers who have seen large cheques written to handymen by their elderly clients and have called the family or client themselves to see if the work has actually been performed. In one recent situation, the bank manager actually paid a visit to the home of the client after several large cheques were cashed. They found the elderly man in his home with absolutely no renovations performed for the money that had been paid. It seems his poor eyesight and age had prevented him from seeing how bad the situation had become. Fraud of the elderly is unfortunately prevalent in this society with all sorts of wrongs committed, including scam phone calls obtaining personal security codes, etc.
Thursday 15 September 2011
Granny's teeth are missing!
Here's a tip: If your loved one is going into a care home, it'd be wise to mark all their personal belongings (and I MEAN PERSONAL) with a permanent marker.
When my husband's dear ol' Nana (age 94) was in an assisted living facility she misplaced her falsies (I am referring to her false teeth!) and was at her wit's end. We looked high and low and then just before some other relatives were going to take the entire toilet off to see if it had somehow become stuck in the pee trap, I located the chompers hanging on the trim of the crocheted blanket hanging off her bed!
Having the teeth marked wouldn't have helped us find them any quicker but if they had been left in a sugar bowl by mistake -and don't laugh- I have found a pair there once as well, or some other location, we could have returned them to their rightful owner, quicker.
Once, I was looking after a lady when her $2,000 hearing aid fell on the floor and was run over by a wheel chair and then stepped on by a 200 pound orderly. Sadly, having her name on it wouldn't have spared her the destruction, but if it had say slipped under a table and gone missing, and then located, they would have known exactly whose ear to pop it into.
Eye glasses constantly go missing in seniors residences. They are put down or borrowed or pilfered by some wandering soul. They have been found under couch cushions and in the medicine cabinets of other residents.
Television remotes go walkabout and lipstick tubes go a.w.o.l. Toothbrushes get used by other people, sorry to make you grimace, but they do, and so on and so forth.
You think you have problems with mismatched socks in your home? Think how they feel in the central laundry room of the seniors home! Getting names onto the collars with a laundry marker pen* is essential if you want to see your loved one's clothes again. These pens can be purchased at almost any store and are a small price to pay (less than $3) to keep expensive garments in granny's closet.
*Note: Laundry marker pen is not to be confused with permanent marker which will just bleed into the fabric if used for name marking on clothes. Good brand of this type of pen is called SCRUBBY permanent laundry marker by DRI MARK
When my husband's dear ol' Nana (age 94) was in an assisted living facility she misplaced her falsies (I am referring to her false teeth!) and was at her wit's end. We looked high and low and then just before some other relatives were going to take the entire toilet off to see if it had somehow become stuck in the pee trap, I located the chompers hanging on the trim of the crocheted blanket hanging off her bed!
Having the teeth marked wouldn't have helped us find them any quicker but if they had been left in a sugar bowl by mistake -and don't laugh- I have found a pair there once as well, or some other location, we could have returned them to their rightful owner, quicker.
Once, I was looking after a lady when her $2,000 hearing aid fell on the floor and was run over by a wheel chair and then stepped on by a 200 pound orderly. Sadly, having her name on it wouldn't have spared her the destruction, but if it had say slipped under a table and gone missing, and then located, they would have known exactly whose ear to pop it into.
Eye glasses constantly go missing in seniors residences. They are put down or borrowed or pilfered by some wandering soul. They have been found under couch cushions and in the medicine cabinets of other residents.
Television remotes go walkabout and lipstick tubes go a.w.o.l. Toothbrushes get used by other people, sorry to make you grimace, but they do, and so on and so forth.
You think you have problems with mismatched socks in your home? Think how they feel in the central laundry room of the seniors home! Getting names onto the collars with a laundry marker pen* is essential if you want to see your loved one's clothes again. These pens can be purchased at almost any store and are a small price to pay (less than $3) to keep expensive garments in granny's closet.
*Note: Laundry marker pen is not to be confused with permanent marker which will just bleed into the fabric if used for name marking on clothes. Good brand of this type of pen is called SCRUBBY permanent laundry marker by DRI MARK
Wednesday 7 September 2011
F.A.Q.'s
Here is a sampling of frequently asked questions in care homes followed by my answers:
Q. "Where am I supposed to sit?"
A. "On your bottom"
Q. "How do I pay for this meal?" "I don't have any money"
A. "it's an all inclusive resort, everything is taken care of"
Q. "Have I had lunch yet?"
A. "Yes, five minutes ago"
Q."Am I ninety?"
A. "Yes"
Q."I'm not ninety, am I?"
A."Yes, you are"
Q. "Where am I supposed to be?"
A. "Right here"
Q."Have I eaten?"
A. "Yes, five minutes ago"
Q."eh?"
A. "yes"
Q. "Where am I supposed to sit?"
A. "On your bottom"
Q. "How do I pay for this meal?" "I don't have any money"
A. "it's an all inclusive resort, everything is taken care of"
Q. "Have I had lunch yet?"
A. "Yes, five minutes ago"
Q."Am I ninety?"
A. "Yes"
Q."I'm not ninety, am I?"
A."Yes, you are"
Q. "Where am I supposed to be?"
A. "Right here"
Q."Have I eaten?"
A. "Yes, five minutes ago"
Q."eh?"
A. "yes"
Tuesday 6 September 2011
Baby Boomers now parenting their parents
True story. We all get old. We may not like it much, but it happens. Some of us are lucky enough to have our parents still living. In many cases, we are in the position of deciding whether our parents should come and live with us or live in a care home.
This can be very stressful. Most of the time those wonderful people who gave us life, patched our skinned knees, cheered us on, stayed up late waiting for us to come in the door, are the ones who are used to calling the shots, making the decisions, and suddenly (or gradually) that all changes.
Over the next few months I will be working on a website, a book, and this blog to bring you stories, tips, insights, and links for everything related to parenting our parents in their twilight years. Making Dying Fun may seem like a rather irreverant title but it really says that death doesn't have to be miserable but rather joyful when it involves happy times full of memory makers.
If you came here thinking you might get info about tie-dying, hair dying, or you have morbid curiosity, you have come to the wrong place. For all the rest of you, I hope you will benefit from something you see here.
Dementia is of particular interest to me. For the past decade I have worked with people in various stages of memory loss. The blessings have been numerous, the knowledge gained - immense, the friendships made - eternal and the fun - sustaining.
This can be very stressful. Most of the time those wonderful people who gave us life, patched our skinned knees, cheered us on, stayed up late waiting for us to come in the door, are the ones who are used to calling the shots, making the decisions, and suddenly (or gradually) that all changes.
Over the next few months I will be working on a website, a book, and this blog to bring you stories, tips, insights, and links for everything related to parenting our parents in their twilight years. Making Dying Fun may seem like a rather irreverant title but it really says that death doesn't have to be miserable but rather joyful when it involves happy times full of memory makers.
If you came here thinking you might get info about tie-dying, hair dying, or you have morbid curiosity, you have come to the wrong place. For all the rest of you, I hope you will benefit from something you see here.
Dementia is of particular interest to me. For the past decade I have worked with people in various stages of memory loss. The blessings have been numerous, the knowledge gained - immense, the friendships made - eternal and the fun - sustaining.
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