Sparkle the Clown had a lot of living to do. She had discovered a lump in her breast too late and the cancer had spread to her bone. Always the optimist, Sparkle, who was also known as my friend Lyn, said she had too many things she wanted to do and didn't plan on dying for quite a while.
The Christmas cards kept arriving from her, year after year, and she usually mailed them before she took her annual trip to sunny places to see friends and to golf. She loved to golf. Come to think of it she loved a lot of things. She loved people and kids, and she loved her ruby red shoes (closest thing to Dorothy's from Wizard of Oz that I have ever seen!) and she loved organizing gatherings.
She instigated the annual ClownFest in our town. Her smile was infectious, her jokes corny, her zeal and enthusiasm contagious. Even when she was getting sicker and sicker, she could still put on a strong voice when she called me up on the phone. "Hey Gail, it's Lyn" "I want to invite you to something"!
The FUNraiser she put together last fall was to raise money for a new medication that was doing a trial run and was not covered by our medicare. She knew it was going to be expensive and not guaranteed to work but she wanted to give it a try anyway. So, she organized a musical evening, which included a silent auction and entertainment. She sang her trademark song "People are One" and everyone clapped and joined in.
The cancer had spread to all parts of her body and I am sure she was in a considerable amount of pain but in true clown fashion, she kept smiling that whole evening. Everyone had a great time and Lyn phoned me the next day to report that over $3,000 had been raised!
She intended to go somewhere warm for a month or so and then come back to her home for some treatment but she was getting frailer and that trip never happened. I visited her in hospice a few times in January and she could still smile and say a few words. She held court and many friends and family came to be with her. Cards from so many who loved her adorned her room. I read one to her that had just arrived at the same time I walked in the door. It was from the Fall Fair Committee and they thanked her for her many years of service doing face painting and balloon animals for the children who visited the annual event.
I was sorry she was going to be leaving this world. She was only in her 60's and I knew I was going to miss her joie de vivre. One of the last times I saw her, I asked her to do me a favour. We had a mutual friend, an Irish lady named Pat, who had passed from cancer nearly ten years ago. I said "Lyn, when you get to the other side, can you send me a sign that you and Pat have met up and that you're having a good time? She nodded and indicated that she would, indeed do that.
A couple of times before she passed away, I was at the hospital visiting my father and while walking to the parking lot to get in my car, a little hummingbird kept chirping in the tree outside hospice. I know that the hummingbird in many cultures is considered a sign of the soul and it crossed my mind that perhaps Lyn's departure was very close at hand. Sure enough, the next day I got word from Lyn's husband that she had left peacefully just after midnight.
Yesterday, while driving to Lyn's funeral through the pouring rain, I saw a rainbow ahead and it went from one side of the burial park to the other, and I started thinking could this be the sign? A rainbow is certainly a wonderful thing to see right before a funeral! But, was this "my" sign that she had promised? I recalled a movie I had seen when I was a youngster called "Finian's Rainbow" about a leprechaun --that sign of good luck and pot of gold legend synonymous with Ireland. I parked my car and walked to the gravesite, holding my bright red umbrella above my head. The sun started shining and as I stood there waiting for the service to begin, a leprechaun walked by me! I kid you not, it was Lyn's son, he had decided to come to his Mom's funeral in a sparkly green leprechaun suit with a sparkly green clown/leprechaun hat ! There were other clowns there too, not so strange, but a Leprechaun? That really was MY sign. Thanks Lyn and Pat!
I know this sounds far fetched but I swear every word is true. To see a picture of Lyn, click on this link:
http://www.clownsandcompany.com
Friday, 10 February 2012
Monday, 30 January 2012
Body, Mind, and Spirit
The Victoria Health Show is an annual two day event that brings together suppliers and distributors who deal in health related products. Each January it is one of my favorite places to visit in my home town and ranks right up there in my books with the Victoria Tea Festival and the Victoria Chocolate Festival and the Organic Islands Show. Last year I added the Coffee Festival to my list of trade shows to browse. The latter had me bouncing off walls after sampling hot and cold coffees, coffee beans, coffee candies, and biscotti. I discovered the smooth decaf just a little too late. What a lot of fun though!
I am neither a supplier nor a distributor. I am a consumer. I love going from booth to booth enjoying the free samples, the demos, the wealth of information, the prize draws and the discounted items to buy. Yesterday was no exception and as I made my way through the crowds at the Health Show, I gleaned more knowledge of what is good for us to eat, what will aid in our longevity and how to keep our brain healthy.
Green drinks that are palatable and don't taste like mowed lawn are high on my list of things you should have in your cupboard. You mix a teaspoon or so in water or juice and down the hatch. If you eat at least 8 servings of fruits and vegetables every day, you may not see the need to have one of these products in your house but I feel that if I have some in the morning, I am covered for the day, just in case I don't get a bit of broccoli and kale into the gullet.
Every pantry should have at least one salt substitute, something like Mrs. Dash or if you're going to use salt, trying using less or adding a pinch of Himalayan salt or something from a source a little closer to home like Canadian Sea Salt from the Vancouver Island Salt Co.
I have become wiser about the cooking oils and salad dressing oils I buy. My cupboard now boasts rice bran oil, ( I received a free bottle at the show yesterday....thank you CarrotLines.com) olive oil, grapeseed oil, and macadamia nut oil. I am now educated about flax seed as well and will give you a source to check out at the end of this blog. Also, met a friend who is excited about the benefits of Aloe. She's lost weight using a product that she absolutely raves about.
You can see where I am headed with all this info, right? Making Dying Fun is a place where I generally write about the elderly and dementia or something related to Boomers, retirement, aging parents, yadda, yadda. This installment is really no different. We have to look after our bodies so they don't break down prematurely. We have to care for our minds as best we can, learn new skills such as drumming. Sounds so random, but did you know that drumming has been proven to really exercise our brain?!
Here's a tip I didn't learn at the show, I have known it for a while. Our spirits need nourishment too. Please don't neglect yours! Random acts of kindness, selfless acts of service, practising forgiveness, looking to a higher power, praying, meditating, will all provide sustenance for your soul.
None of us are getting out of here alive. We can't pack a kit bag for our departure but we can make some preparations in terms of eternal happiness. I explained that to one of the vendors at the Victoria Health Show yesterday. His company is an environmentally friendly company making pens and paper and displays from green energies and materials. We began discussing my book that I eventually want to have published and in the course of our conversation, after I told him the title of my blog, he told me about his visits with his grandfather who had dementia. He said he hadn't minded hearing the same stories over and over or sitting with him even if there was nothing to say. I relayed my insight to him as best I could. Although his grandfather's body was breaking down, that it in no way affected his soul. The soul is free from the maladies of the body and brain. I added that I feel that our spirit or soul is our unique essence and that it is eternal. My new friend showed me the goosebumps up and down his arm. He wasn't cold, he was just absolutely moved by our conversation.
I arrived home giddy with delight hauling three bags full of brochures, samples of vitamins, hemp granola bars, Greek style yogurt,gluten free cereal and my free rice bran oil from the show! The highlight though wasn't the loot I brought back with me although it was awesome, the pinacle was talking to Jeff about his grandfather and having a truly meaningful conversation. We need all three elements of body, mind, and spirit to get the best out of living.
Links from above:
http://www.victoriateafestival.com/
http://www.coffeecollective.ca/
http://www.organicislands.ca/
http://www.canadiangoldenflaxseed.com/
http://www.rhythmconnect.com/
http://www.5min.com/video/exercising-your-brain-97705977
The Victoria Health Show is over for this year but you can find out about it by going to www.healthshows.com
I am neither a supplier nor a distributor. I am a consumer. I love going from booth to booth enjoying the free samples, the demos, the wealth of information, the prize draws and the discounted items to buy. Yesterday was no exception and as I made my way through the crowds at the Health Show, I gleaned more knowledge of what is good for us to eat, what will aid in our longevity and how to keep our brain healthy.
Green drinks that are palatable and don't taste like mowed lawn are high on my list of things you should have in your cupboard. You mix a teaspoon or so in water or juice and down the hatch. If you eat at least 8 servings of fruits and vegetables every day, you may not see the need to have one of these products in your house but I feel that if I have some in the morning, I am covered for the day, just in case I don't get a bit of broccoli and kale into the gullet.
Every pantry should have at least one salt substitute, something like Mrs. Dash or if you're going to use salt, trying using less or adding a pinch of Himalayan salt or something from a source a little closer to home like Canadian Sea Salt from the Vancouver Island Salt Co.
I have become wiser about the cooking oils and salad dressing oils I buy. My cupboard now boasts rice bran oil, ( I received a free bottle at the show yesterday....thank you CarrotLines.com) olive oil, grapeseed oil, and macadamia nut oil. I am now educated about flax seed as well and will give you a source to check out at the end of this blog. Also, met a friend who is excited about the benefits of Aloe. She's lost weight using a product that she absolutely raves about.
You can see where I am headed with all this info, right? Making Dying Fun is a place where I generally write about the elderly and dementia or something related to Boomers, retirement, aging parents, yadda, yadda. This installment is really no different. We have to look after our bodies so they don't break down prematurely. We have to care for our minds as best we can, learn new skills such as drumming. Sounds so random, but did you know that drumming has been proven to really exercise our brain?!
Here's a tip I didn't learn at the show, I have known it for a while. Our spirits need nourishment too. Please don't neglect yours! Random acts of kindness, selfless acts of service, practising forgiveness, looking to a higher power, praying, meditating, will all provide sustenance for your soul.
None of us are getting out of here alive. We can't pack a kit bag for our departure but we can make some preparations in terms of eternal happiness. I explained that to one of the vendors at the Victoria Health Show yesterday. His company is an environmentally friendly company making pens and paper and displays from green energies and materials. We began discussing my book that I eventually want to have published and in the course of our conversation, after I told him the title of my blog, he told me about his visits with his grandfather who had dementia. He said he hadn't minded hearing the same stories over and over or sitting with him even if there was nothing to say. I relayed my insight to him as best I could. Although his grandfather's body was breaking down, that it in no way affected his soul. The soul is free from the maladies of the body and brain. I added that I feel that our spirit or soul is our unique essence and that it is eternal. My new friend showed me the goosebumps up and down his arm. He wasn't cold, he was just absolutely moved by our conversation.
I arrived home giddy with delight hauling three bags full of brochures, samples of vitamins, hemp granola bars, Greek style yogurt,gluten free cereal and my free rice bran oil from the show! The highlight though wasn't the loot I brought back with me although it was awesome, the pinacle was talking to Jeff about his grandfather and having a truly meaningful conversation. We need all three elements of body, mind, and spirit to get the best out of living.
Links from above:
http://www.victoriateafestival.com/
http://www.coffeecollective.ca/
http://www.organicislands.ca/
http://www.canadiangoldenflaxseed.com/
http://www.rhythmconnect.com/
http://www.5min.com/video/exercising-your-brain-97705977
The Victoria Health Show is over for this year but you can find out about it by going to www.healthshows.com
Monday, 23 January 2012
Life Happens
A lot has happened since I last blogged. In early December, my dear father ended up in the seniors mental health ward of the local hospital. He had headed for home while my mother was at the dentist and got disoriented, ending up at a local gas station, asking the attendant to call an ambulance for him. You see, he had gone out without his wallet and i.d. and had no recollection of his address. If he had that kind of information on him, I suppose the young clerk would have just called a taxi instead to take my father home. As it was though, Dad ended up at emerg and I met him there.
It was not a very nice week and that week stretched into a month and here we are at the seven week mark. It has been an anxious time for him and a stressful time for my mother, and myself, and for my brothers who live far away. It's been hard for the grandchildren to see him in angst.
There have been consultations with a geriatric team. The occupational therapist who makes assessments about my father's ability to cope was at one of the meetings. So was the geriatric psychiatrist, the social worker, the liaison nurse, and of course my mother and myself.
It was heartbreaking to make the decision that he could no longer be at home. With the level of dementia he has which affects his frontal lobe, the place where reason, logic, and emotion are housed, it is not a good idea to have him live in the same residence as my Mom. The guilt gushed forth. How could she after standing by this man for decades of marriage, do this to him?
December 28th was their 60th wedding anniversary. We had a small lunch time gathering for them in a lounge at the hospital. It was as nice as it could be, considering the circumstances. We had pizza and there were balloons and flowers. I tried to create a Hawaiian themed party reminiscent of the honeymoon they had taken to those tropical isles so many years ago.
It was actually my 26th wedding anniversary that same day. However, my husband was out of town at the hospital bedside of his mother who had suffered a stroke over Christmas! I woke up that morning thinking of that saying "when it rains, it pours"! It certainly had been stormy over this period!
It's a new year now and we wait for his placement at a care facility. We keep our fingers crossed that we can get him into someplace close to their home so that Mom can easily visit him.
As I have learned victory always follows crisis. Happiness shows up after despair. Things have not all been bleak. December 31st was the due date for my first grandchild. He or she was to be my parents third great-grandchild. We played a waiting game, through New Year's and then finally the little one arrived! On Friday the thirteenth of January, we welcomed a 7lb 9oz boy into the world!
The angelic face of this new addition to our family graces the wall of my father's hospital room. He is hope for the future. His photograph is surrounded by other pictures of the two great grandaughters and other smiling family members. Dad is surrounded by love. He may feel alone sometimes but I remind him every night when I phone him to say goodnight that he is never alone. We are with him in thought. He has caring nurses and every day is a new one for him with a steady stream of visitors.
We have so much to be thankful for. Life happens!
It was not a very nice week and that week stretched into a month and here we are at the seven week mark. It has been an anxious time for him and a stressful time for my mother, and myself, and for my brothers who live far away. It's been hard for the grandchildren to see him in angst.
There have been consultations with a geriatric team. The occupational therapist who makes assessments about my father's ability to cope was at one of the meetings. So was the geriatric psychiatrist, the social worker, the liaison nurse, and of course my mother and myself.
It was heartbreaking to make the decision that he could no longer be at home. With the level of dementia he has which affects his frontal lobe, the place where reason, logic, and emotion are housed, it is not a good idea to have him live in the same residence as my Mom. The guilt gushed forth. How could she after standing by this man for decades of marriage, do this to him?
December 28th was their 60th wedding anniversary. We had a small lunch time gathering for them in a lounge at the hospital. It was as nice as it could be, considering the circumstances. We had pizza and there were balloons and flowers. I tried to create a Hawaiian themed party reminiscent of the honeymoon they had taken to those tropical isles so many years ago.
It was actually my 26th wedding anniversary that same day. However, my husband was out of town at the hospital bedside of his mother who had suffered a stroke over Christmas! I woke up that morning thinking of that saying "when it rains, it pours"! It certainly had been stormy over this period!
It's a new year now and we wait for his placement at a care facility. We keep our fingers crossed that we can get him into someplace close to their home so that Mom can easily visit him.
As I have learned victory always follows crisis. Happiness shows up after despair. Things have not all been bleak. December 31st was the due date for my first grandchild. He or she was to be my parents third great-grandchild. We played a waiting game, through New Year's and then finally the little one arrived! On Friday the thirteenth of January, we welcomed a 7lb 9oz boy into the world!
The angelic face of this new addition to our family graces the wall of my father's hospital room. He is hope for the future. His photograph is surrounded by other pictures of the two great grandaughters and other smiling family members. Dad is surrounded by love. He may feel alone sometimes but I remind him every night when I phone him to say goodnight that he is never alone. We are with him in thought. He has caring nurses and every day is a new one for him with a steady stream of visitors.
We have so much to be thankful for. Life happens!
Monday, 19 December 2011
Gift list for Granny
Here are a few ideas for the shut-in on your list, that care home dweller who seemingly needs nothing.
Buy some cards that say "Best wishes in the New Year" or "Wishing you health and happiness in the New Year" and write a little something in them on behalf of your loved one and mail them off to friends and family. Obtain their address book and buy some stamps and write something cheery before posting.
An alternate to this is preparing a letter on your computer and printing off some copies to mail. Get creative and tell those near and far about the view from the window, the carolers who stopped by, the concerts that have been held at the care home, and the cute little kindergarten kids who came in for a visit. If you want, you can copy my template found below.
If your golden oldie is still able to sign their name, get them to do that on the bottom. It will make them feel like they can give it their personal touch.
Night lights make a good gift. One year I purchased some winter themed night lights and put them in the bathroom and near the door for a couple of people. As well, I bought some static plastic peel stickers for a friend's windows and decorated near the bed for them and on the mirror.
Marmalade and special jams still make a good gift even if they don't have their own kitchen and don't make their own toast. The care aids will put your loved one's name on the lid and will give them a special serving every morning.
Shiny tissue boxes make a room look brighter and this time of year there are dozens of Kleenex and Royale brands that have fun winter themed decorations on the packages.
You can make your own flower arrangements if you have time. Red and white carnations come at an inexpensive price and putting them in a vase or dish with some greenery you nabbed from the neighbour's place (just joking!) as well as a candy cane and a tree ornament thrown into the mix can really bring cheer. Keep in mind that there will not be much room on their bedside table so the arrangement should be fairly small. If you don't live in the same town, you can always have FTD send a small bouquet. Flowers (unscented) never lose their appeal. Gentlemen like flowers too!
If there's a dry erase board or a bulletin board in the room, perhaps decorating it for them would be a nice gift. Photos of family, Christmas cards, poetry, etc. would be a lovely thing to look at for those who must remain in bed for long periods of time.
Some folks like massage and some don't. Ask them if they'd like a student from the massage school to visit them. Bedside visits from massage therapists are very reasonably priced gifts that are practical and personal. Or, you yourself might want to give a scalp massage, a foot massage, a hand massage as a gift. Bring your own mildly scented cream and gently proceed to work your magic. Obviously granny won't want her newly styled hair-do to be messed up, so check before you give her a massage or a brushing!
CDs with their favorite type of music are a good purchase, but why not consider engaging a music therapist to come on a weekly visit to sing with them? Call your local conservatory of music or music school and see if they offer that service.
Chocolates (for those who don't have swallowing difficulties) still rule as one of the number one gifts. Check with the RN on duty before you purchase candy or chocolate as the person might be diabetic. There are some really good diabetic chocolates out there though if they are allowed to partake. Most people do well with an inner core of heavenly cream filled chocolates,but stay away from purchasing toffees, anything too chewy, or nuts. If their bed isn't in an upright position or if the teeth aren't in good condition, chocolates with nuts can be a choking hazard!
A small bed-side TV would be good for anyone who still enjoys and can follow t.v. and can be picked up for less than $100 at some retail outlets. Flat screens are made for small spaces these days!
Digital photo frames are a wonderful piece of technology that make people feel connected and loved. You load some favorite pics onto the unit and leave it scrolling through dozens of memories providing hours of enjoyment.
Get creative, don't stress, there's still time to make this happen. One final note: the care aids and nurses, activity aids, and others who provide support for your loved one, will not refuse a small gift of appreciation. You can leave a box of mandarin oranges, shortbread cookies, or an assortment of teas for all to enjoy in the staff room or nursing station. If you have special people you want to thank, gift cards for different coffee houses, department stores and movie theaters are sure to be used and appreciated.
Now, as promised above...
Here's my sample letter for those of you who just can't think of what to write:
Dear Ones,
This year had its challenges with health problems but you know me, I am never one to complain (:
I have a ________view of ________ from my room/bed. I am in a private/shared room and it is _______.
The staff here are ____________ and I think they are ____________! The meals are ________ and I particularly enjoy/dislike the ____________.
We are allowed/not allowed to have pets so I have ___________ as a companion. Recently I had visits from __________ and ____________.
They throw some pretty good parties and concerts here and as I am not blind/deaf, I have had the good pleasure of ______________.
I went on an outing recently to _________________ and saw____________.
On my birthday, I __________________. For Thanksgiving, I _______________(insert: can't remember?)
This holiday season I send lots of _______________ to you and yours. I hope that this finds you in good spirits and ________________.
Additional info:
Yours,
Granny Garbanzo
Buy some cards that say "Best wishes in the New Year" or "Wishing you health and happiness in the New Year" and write a little something in them on behalf of your loved one and mail them off to friends and family. Obtain their address book and buy some stamps and write something cheery before posting.
An alternate to this is preparing a letter on your computer and printing off some copies to mail. Get creative and tell those near and far about the view from the window, the carolers who stopped by, the concerts that have been held at the care home, and the cute little kindergarten kids who came in for a visit. If you want, you can copy my template found below.
If your golden oldie is still able to sign their name, get them to do that on the bottom. It will make them feel like they can give it their personal touch.
Night lights make a good gift. One year I purchased some winter themed night lights and put them in the bathroom and near the door for a couple of people. As well, I bought some static plastic peel stickers for a friend's windows and decorated near the bed for them and on the mirror.
Marmalade and special jams still make a good gift even if they don't have their own kitchen and don't make their own toast. The care aids will put your loved one's name on the lid and will give them a special serving every morning.
Shiny tissue boxes make a room look brighter and this time of year there are dozens of Kleenex and Royale brands that have fun winter themed decorations on the packages.
You can make your own flower arrangements if you have time. Red and white carnations come at an inexpensive price and putting them in a vase or dish with some greenery you nabbed from the neighbour's place (just joking!) as well as a candy cane and a tree ornament thrown into the mix can really bring cheer. Keep in mind that there will not be much room on their bedside table so the arrangement should be fairly small. If you don't live in the same town, you can always have FTD send a small bouquet. Flowers (unscented) never lose their appeal. Gentlemen like flowers too!
If there's a dry erase board or a bulletin board in the room, perhaps decorating it for them would be a nice gift. Photos of family, Christmas cards, poetry, etc. would be a lovely thing to look at for those who must remain in bed for long periods of time.
Some folks like massage and some don't. Ask them if they'd like a student from the massage school to visit them. Bedside visits from massage therapists are very reasonably priced gifts that are practical and personal. Or, you yourself might want to give a scalp massage, a foot massage, a hand massage as a gift. Bring your own mildly scented cream and gently proceed to work your magic. Obviously granny won't want her newly styled hair-do to be messed up, so check before you give her a massage or a brushing!
CDs with their favorite type of music are a good purchase, but why not consider engaging a music therapist to come on a weekly visit to sing with them? Call your local conservatory of music or music school and see if they offer that service.
Chocolates (for those who don't have swallowing difficulties) still rule as one of the number one gifts. Check with the RN on duty before you purchase candy or chocolate as the person might be diabetic. There are some really good diabetic chocolates out there though if they are allowed to partake. Most people do well with an inner core of heavenly cream filled chocolates,but stay away from purchasing toffees, anything too chewy, or nuts. If their bed isn't in an upright position or if the teeth aren't in good condition, chocolates with nuts can be a choking hazard!
A small bed-side TV would be good for anyone who still enjoys and can follow t.v. and can be picked up for less than $100 at some retail outlets. Flat screens are made for small spaces these days!
Digital photo frames are a wonderful piece of technology that make people feel connected and loved. You load some favorite pics onto the unit and leave it scrolling through dozens of memories providing hours of enjoyment.
Get creative, don't stress, there's still time to make this happen. One final note: the care aids and nurses, activity aids, and others who provide support for your loved one, will not refuse a small gift of appreciation. You can leave a box of mandarin oranges, shortbread cookies, or an assortment of teas for all to enjoy in the staff room or nursing station. If you have special people you want to thank, gift cards for different coffee houses, department stores and movie theaters are sure to be used and appreciated.
Now, as promised above...
Here's my sample letter for those of you who just can't think of what to write:
Dear Ones,
This year had its challenges with health problems but you know me, I am never one to complain (:
I have a ________view of ________ from my room/bed. I am in a private/shared room and it is _______.
The staff here are ____________ and I think they are ____________! The meals are ________ and I particularly enjoy/dislike the ____________.
We are allowed/not allowed to have pets so I have ___________ as a companion. Recently I had visits from __________ and ____________.
They throw some pretty good parties and concerts here and as I am not blind/deaf, I have had the good pleasure of ______________.
I went on an outing recently to _________________ and saw____________.
On my birthday, I __________________. For Thanksgiving, I _______________(insert: can't remember?)
This holiday season I send lots of _______________ to you and yours. I hope that this finds you in good spirits and ________________.
Additional info:
Yours,
Granny Garbanzo
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover (Or its title!)
Recently I received an email from a friend welcoming me to look at his holiday photographs. Since I was eager to see his growing family, I opened up the file and discovered to my horror his snapshots of a hunting trip! As I am not a hunter, these pictures disturbed me.
I bring this to your attention because I know that there are people out there who stay away from my blog because the title has frightened them away. My friend's title drew me in and made me curious, as it asked me to see his holiday pictures. On the other hand, my ramblings have not been read by people who fear that my title has some macabre connotation. Although it hasn't been said in exactly these words I think they feel that Make Dying Fun is a disrespectful and flippant title.
Many folks have offered alternate titles for my book and blog which bear the same title. "Why not call it something like Dying With Dignity?" they plead. "Tips for Seniors with Dementia" as an alternate add-on.
People have asked me to remove them from my mailing list because they don't have time to read it or because they are not "bloggers". Fair enough.
There have been many positives about my title. Some have written me their praises for taking the rigidity out of dying. Accolades abound of those who think that I have taken a stuffy subject and had some fun with it. and say"Never change your title!"
Believe me, I have bandied about the idea of changing the title but I always come back with the same notion that it wasn't "MY" title to begin with. It was sent to me in the form of a lightning bolt (figuratively not literally!) as I was driving along one day, minding my own business. From out of nowhere a voice said loudly "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun." As you can well imagine, I was a bit startled and before I had time to pull over and check whether I perhaps had a fever, the voice said again, more insistently a second time, "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun!"
I chose not to ignore the voice and this is the result, lively and upbeat stories of those in their Golden Years heading towards the Great Beyond. If you check my under-construction website it advises searchers that if they have come to this place looking to learn how to tie-dye, they have come to the wrong place!
I don't know whose voice I heard that day while driving but I do know that it was very adamant. I have been thinking back to why that voice said it had to be Fun, and why hadn't the word "Delightful" or "De-Lightful" or "Enlightening" been used, rather than "FUN"? Lately, I have had thoughts about my Grandmother and how she would take me on wonderful trips which included outings to museums, theatres, art galleries, deserts, parks,etc. and after one such adventure I thanked her and said how much fun it had been, to which she responded, "Honey Child, I hope you didn't just think it was fun, I hope you learned something." She then added "These things I do with you are meant to be enjoyable but there's also an element of learning. I hope it was fun but I also hope it was educational and that you learned something".
So, dear reader, share this blog with your friends and co-workers if you think they can benefit from it and feel free to make comments leaving your name or by choosing to remaining anonymous on my comments area. I hope you have fun here but it'd be nice if you learned something as well!
BTW, if you are at a loss as to what to buy a special senior this holiday season, my next installment will feature a list of gift ideas for those who seem to have everything or need very little in their last years on this earth. As one dear lady said to me "With all my aches and pains, getting old is no fun at all, but having you as a friend, certainly makes it better."
I bring this to your attention because I know that there are people out there who stay away from my blog because the title has frightened them away. My friend's title drew me in and made me curious, as it asked me to see his holiday pictures. On the other hand, my ramblings have not been read by people who fear that my title has some macabre connotation. Although it hasn't been said in exactly these words I think they feel that Make Dying Fun is a disrespectful and flippant title.
Many folks have offered alternate titles for my book and blog which bear the same title. "Why not call it something like Dying With Dignity?" they plead. "Tips for Seniors with Dementia" as an alternate add-on.
People have asked me to remove them from my mailing list because they don't have time to read it or because they are not "bloggers". Fair enough.
There have been many positives about my title. Some have written me their praises for taking the rigidity out of dying. Accolades abound of those who think that I have taken a stuffy subject and had some fun with it. and say"Never change your title!"
Believe me, I have bandied about the idea of changing the title but I always come back with the same notion that it wasn't "MY" title to begin with. It was sent to me in the form of a lightning bolt (figuratively not literally!) as I was driving along one day, minding my own business. From out of nowhere a voice said loudly "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun." As you can well imagine, I was a bit startled and before I had time to pull over and check whether I perhaps had a fever, the voice said again, more insistently a second time, "You have to write a book and it has to be called Making Dying Fun!"
I chose not to ignore the voice and this is the result, lively and upbeat stories of those in their Golden Years heading towards the Great Beyond. If you check my under-construction website it advises searchers that if they have come to this place looking to learn how to tie-dye, they have come to the wrong place!
I don't know whose voice I heard that day while driving but I do know that it was very adamant. I have been thinking back to why that voice said it had to be Fun, and why hadn't the word "Delightful" or "De-Lightful" or "Enlightening" been used, rather than "FUN"? Lately, I have had thoughts about my Grandmother and how she would take me on wonderful trips which included outings to museums, theatres, art galleries, deserts, parks,etc. and after one such adventure I thanked her and said how much fun it had been, to which she responded, "Honey Child, I hope you didn't just think it was fun, I hope you learned something." She then added "These things I do with you are meant to be enjoyable but there's also an element of learning. I hope it was fun but I also hope it was educational and that you learned something".
So, dear reader, share this blog with your friends and co-workers if you think they can benefit from it and feel free to make comments leaving your name or by choosing to remaining anonymous on my comments area. I hope you have fun here but it'd be nice if you learned something as well!
BTW, if you are at a loss as to what to buy a special senior this holiday season, my next installment will feature a list of gift ideas for those who seem to have everything or need very little in their last years on this earth. As one dear lady said to me "With all my aches and pains, getting old is no fun at all, but having you as a friend, certainly makes it better."
Monday, 21 November 2011
The Garden of Happiness
It was hard to find a card today that had the right sentiment for the family of a lady who lived to be 105! The "With Sympathy" cards just didn't seem appropriate for this time of loss. Bea just wasn't any lady, she was my dear friend and we met when she was in her late nineties. She had such a positive outlook on life and on death. She lived like each day after her 100th birthday was a blessing.
We met through a mutual friend named Laurie, a dear soul whose memory was failing. It was at Laurie's 90th birthday party that Bea encouraged me to bring Laurie over for tea whenever I could manage it. Darling Bea who had poor eyesight and poor hearing but a mind as sharp as a tack was often the co-ordinator of small luncheons and tea parties for two and memorial gatherings.
Bea didn't do all this hosting single-handedly, she had help from two wonderful daughters and grandchildren galore. It was because of family members who adored her that she was able to live in her own modest home until mobility issues restricted her from remaining there.
Her house was sold to a nice young family and Bea moved into a nursing home. It was actually a transitional place that was temporary until a more suitable permanent lodging could be secured. It was here that I visited her in a nice bright room overlooking a garden and I asked of her state of being. She replied "I vowed that I would be happy no matter where they put me". Her smile was genuine and she continued "And I am happy".
Not long after that, she had to be moved to another facility. Her room was on one of the higher floors of the building and garden access was not particularly easy. When weather permitted, she would be out breathing the fresh air, thanks to someone pushing her wheelchair onto the elevator and someone else delivering her to the main floor garden exit. Her daughters visited usually on alternate days so Bea felt anything but lonely. She had decided to be happy here also.
Bea's handwriting became shakey but it didn't stop her from sending me annual Christmas cards. I delighted in showing people the cards I received from my centenarian gal-pal. I also found it fun to ask when buying a greeting card for Bea's birthday each October if they had anything that celebrated being 101 or anything that congratulated someone who was turning 102 years old, and so on! Usually I just wrote on her card "WOW!"
Her strong voice would greet me on the other end of the phone line when I called her and it was equally as strong sounding when she phoned me. Her keen mind retained bits of information I had told her previously and she would inquire about my children and what they were involved with.
Last week I received a phone call from one of her daughters informing me that her mother had passed away peacefully and had been "with it" up until a few days prior to her leaving this world. I didn't cry with the news but smiled broadly that I had known such a remarkable woman.
Today was funeral day for Bea and I awakened with Beethoven's 9th Symphony playing in my head. The words to "Ode to Joy" sprang from my lips.
Joyful, joyful we adore Thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness,
drive the dark of doubt away;
giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day.
When I walked into the small chapel, I picked up the programme which read "Thanksgiving for the life of Bea" and to my delight I found at the back of the folded document, the words to ODE TO JOY, the only song that had been chosen for us to sing at this parting celebration!
I imagine now that she is sitting in the garden of eternal happiness. Way to go Bea, 105, WOW!
We met through a mutual friend named Laurie, a dear soul whose memory was failing. It was at Laurie's 90th birthday party that Bea encouraged me to bring Laurie over for tea whenever I could manage it. Darling Bea who had poor eyesight and poor hearing but a mind as sharp as a tack was often the co-ordinator of small luncheons and tea parties for two and memorial gatherings.
Bea didn't do all this hosting single-handedly, she had help from two wonderful daughters and grandchildren galore. It was because of family members who adored her that she was able to live in her own modest home until mobility issues restricted her from remaining there.
Her house was sold to a nice young family and Bea moved into a nursing home. It was actually a transitional place that was temporary until a more suitable permanent lodging could be secured. It was here that I visited her in a nice bright room overlooking a garden and I asked of her state of being. She replied "I vowed that I would be happy no matter where they put me". Her smile was genuine and she continued "And I am happy".
Not long after that, she had to be moved to another facility. Her room was on one of the higher floors of the building and garden access was not particularly easy. When weather permitted, she would be out breathing the fresh air, thanks to someone pushing her wheelchair onto the elevator and someone else delivering her to the main floor garden exit. Her daughters visited usually on alternate days so Bea felt anything but lonely. She had decided to be happy here also.
Bea's handwriting became shakey but it didn't stop her from sending me annual Christmas cards. I delighted in showing people the cards I received from my centenarian gal-pal. I also found it fun to ask when buying a greeting card for Bea's birthday each October if they had anything that celebrated being 101 or anything that congratulated someone who was turning 102 years old, and so on! Usually I just wrote on her card "WOW!"
Her strong voice would greet me on the other end of the phone line when I called her and it was equally as strong sounding when she phoned me. Her keen mind retained bits of information I had told her previously and she would inquire about my children and what they were involved with.
Last week I received a phone call from one of her daughters informing me that her mother had passed away peacefully and had been "with it" up until a few days prior to her leaving this world. I didn't cry with the news but smiled broadly that I had known such a remarkable woman.
Today was funeral day for Bea and I awakened with Beethoven's 9th Symphony playing in my head. The words to "Ode to Joy" sprang from my lips.
Joyful, joyful we adore Thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness,
drive the dark of doubt away;
giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day.
When I walked into the small chapel, I picked up the programme which read "Thanksgiving for the life of Bea" and to my delight I found at the back of the folded document, the words to ODE TO JOY, the only song that had been chosen for us to sing at this parting celebration!
I imagine now that she is sitting in the garden of eternal happiness. Way to go Bea, 105, WOW!
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Joy Gives Us Wings
Some folks rely on a certain caffeinated drink to give them wings and awaken them. Red Bull has a great marketing scheme that has you believing that if you drink it you will have the ability to fly, or at least be revitalized and lively.
I know another way to feel as though you are soaring and it comes from within. It's that wonderful feeling of joy and it is often brought by others and shared. It is visible and it is measured by the smile on one's face or the glint in their eyes. It can be contagious and it can be instant. Joy has the ability to make someone stop slouching and sit up taller. It can be subtle and delayed but when it hits, the heart stops aching.
For those living with memory loss, life can be confusing and muddled. Grey matter in the brain has taken the place where some happy memories were sure to have been stored. Joy can be infused on a daily basis by those people who visit and care for the elderly. You can bring it by sharing your art work and then encouraging your loved one to colour or doodle. You can bring it in the form of song. You can send it in a letter.
I have seen joy brought in the form of cookies. Chocolate Chip work really well! Ice Cream Sundaes on a Friday afternoon brought a lot of joy to the residents of a care home where I visited. The care aids went around with a trolley and offered ice cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream to their eager residents.
School groups and daycares bring a ton of palpable joy. From the moment the children walk into an assisted living facility, an air of joy is felt. Sure, there are some seniors who don't like the noise and perhaps have never been fond of kids but a kind handshake or a little hug is virtually guaranteed to lift a spirit or two.
There are some pretty amazing care aids in those care homes. They work day in and day out on the front line. They are the first to say "Good Morning" to their residents. They take the shame out of some acts of personal hygiene and while most of us couldn't carry out the tasks that require a strong back (and stomach!) those angels maintain joyfulness.
I often wonder do they bring the joy to work with them or is the joy found at their work? It's probably not found in the mundane tasks they carry out that causes the joy to well up. A lot of it is found from seeing the residents themselves. Some employees get up before dawn in order to get to their shift at the care home. That can't be terribly joyful, can it? Yet, they often let their light shine and they bring along with it dignity in a form of service unparalleled.
Thank you to all you joy bringers! You know who you are but I will name some of you anyway. Health Care Workers like Amanda, Sandy, Yasmin, Kim, Mary, Bev, Barb,Brenda, Carol, Lynn, Linda, Carl, Chris, Paul, Marie, Denny, Terry,Kristy, Kerry, Carrie, Colleen,Tricia, Joanie, Jessie, Stephanie, Janelle, Lorraine (who I just recently met!) Addey, and on and on. Some of you are physiotherapists,social workers,cleaners, activity aids, and food preparation people who sometimes go out of your way to make someone smile.
Remember though, that economic cut-backs are resulting in the slimming down of many branches of health care. Staff can only be spread so thin. If your senior is still needing a little bit more personal human contact and you have the funds, consider hiring a Paid Companion. They are a great way to bring some joy around on a regular basis. Ask at your local care home or check seniors directories, for recommendations of reliable and joyful people to visit your loved one. Not only do we companions like pushing people around for a living (of course I mean in a wheelchair!) most of us have patience and joy in abundant supply. A big thanks to those who I have had the pleasure of associating with,and who make their money in this field. Kudos to Kristina, Cathy, Michele, Solange, Alex, Louisa, and Della, to name a few.
The uplifting of a spirit is one of the soul purposes (pardon the pun) of the Spiritual Care Department. Most facilities have resident or visiting clergy and volunteers who are trained and happy to bring a denominational or non-denominational brand of joy with them. They have good listening ears, and as well can fit the needs of the patient by supplying books, CDs, and information about worship services that they offer on a weekly or monthly basis.
And finally, to the regular volunteers and visitors who bring your pet-therapy dogs in for visits, your children, your art therapy, your choirs, your manicures, I thank you for sharing YOUR joy!
A little joy goes a long way. While a cup of coffee or a super caffeinated something or other from a can may give us the ability to soar, joy gives us wings and doesn't give us the jitters.
I know another way to feel as though you are soaring and it comes from within. It's that wonderful feeling of joy and it is often brought by others and shared. It is visible and it is measured by the smile on one's face or the glint in their eyes. It can be contagious and it can be instant. Joy has the ability to make someone stop slouching and sit up taller. It can be subtle and delayed but when it hits, the heart stops aching.
For those living with memory loss, life can be confusing and muddled. Grey matter in the brain has taken the place where some happy memories were sure to have been stored. Joy can be infused on a daily basis by those people who visit and care for the elderly. You can bring it by sharing your art work and then encouraging your loved one to colour or doodle. You can bring it in the form of song. You can send it in a letter.
I have seen joy brought in the form of cookies. Chocolate Chip work really well! Ice Cream Sundaes on a Friday afternoon brought a lot of joy to the residents of a care home where I visited. The care aids went around with a trolley and offered ice cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream to their eager residents.
School groups and daycares bring a ton of palpable joy. From the moment the children walk into an assisted living facility, an air of joy is felt. Sure, there are some seniors who don't like the noise and perhaps have never been fond of kids but a kind handshake or a little hug is virtually guaranteed to lift a spirit or two.
There are some pretty amazing care aids in those care homes. They work day in and day out on the front line. They are the first to say "Good Morning" to their residents. They take the shame out of some acts of personal hygiene and while most of us couldn't carry out the tasks that require a strong back (and stomach!) those angels maintain joyfulness.
I often wonder do they bring the joy to work with them or is the joy found at their work? It's probably not found in the mundane tasks they carry out that causes the joy to well up. A lot of it is found from seeing the residents themselves. Some employees get up before dawn in order to get to their shift at the care home. That can't be terribly joyful, can it? Yet, they often let their light shine and they bring along with it dignity in a form of service unparalleled.
Thank you to all you joy bringers! You know who you are but I will name some of you anyway. Health Care Workers like Amanda, Sandy, Yasmin, Kim, Mary, Bev, Barb,Brenda, Carol, Lynn, Linda, Carl, Chris, Paul, Marie, Denny, Terry,Kristy, Kerry, Carrie, Colleen,Tricia, Joanie, Jessie, Stephanie, Janelle, Lorraine (who I just recently met!) Addey, and on and on. Some of you are physiotherapists,social workers,cleaners, activity aids, and food preparation people who sometimes go out of your way to make someone smile.
Remember though, that economic cut-backs are resulting in the slimming down of many branches of health care. Staff can only be spread so thin. If your senior is still needing a little bit more personal human contact and you have the funds, consider hiring a Paid Companion. They are a great way to bring some joy around on a regular basis. Ask at your local care home or check seniors directories, for recommendations of reliable and joyful people to visit your loved one. Not only do we companions like pushing people around for a living (of course I mean in a wheelchair!) most of us have patience and joy in abundant supply. A big thanks to those who I have had the pleasure of associating with,and who make their money in this field. Kudos to Kristina, Cathy, Michele, Solange, Alex, Louisa, and Della, to name a few.
The uplifting of a spirit is one of the soul purposes (pardon the pun) of the Spiritual Care Department. Most facilities have resident or visiting clergy and volunteers who are trained and happy to bring a denominational or non-denominational brand of joy with them. They have good listening ears, and as well can fit the needs of the patient by supplying books, CDs, and information about worship services that they offer on a weekly or monthly basis.
And finally, to the regular volunteers and visitors who bring your pet-therapy dogs in for visits, your children, your art therapy, your choirs, your manicures, I thank you for sharing YOUR joy!
A little joy goes a long way. While a cup of coffee or a super caffeinated something or other from a can may give us the ability to soar, joy gives us wings and doesn't give us the jitters.
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