Energy, Enthusiasm, and Enlightenment, at Age 90!

Meet Alex. I am using his real name because he deserves recognition. Sometimes I use fake names to protect the innocent.  He's actually 91 and  an example for all of us. I met him for lunch to see what makes him tick and here's his story:

He began with these words "I have had an incredible life. I have gone from being very sensitive about what people thought of me to learning to be confident, and realizing that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of other people."

He was born in December of 1920 and says he had wonderful parents. He didn't get much in the way of a formal education but he sure went far in life. There are a number of things that he says benefited him greatly with elocution lessons being high on the list. Learning to speak clearly and confidently  really gave him poise in any setting. As well, joining the drama club at school and acting in theatre productions after school increased his courage and really taught him how to read and  memorize.

As well, joining the YMCA in his home town of Winnipeg, Manitoba, was one of the best things he ever did. He's been a life long member and was recently awarded a lifetime membership for his years and years of dedication to a healthy existence.  I learned that on his 90th birthday, the "Y" said to him, "Alex, you don't need to pay anymore, just keep coming".

So he does! He works out three times a week, stretching to keep limber and using the rowing machine for at least 20 minutes each time he goes.  He also uses the elliptical training machine.  He doesn't have time to do much swimming now but he used to and as if that wasn't enough, he told me that at one time had been good at gymnastics and mentioned that for over 30 years he was a jogger!

In his professional life success was his, selling life insurance. In the beginning, "fear of poverty", kept him going but not long into his career, he realized the importance of keeping healthy so he could reap the rewards of living a long time. His friendliness and honesty brought him many clients and working for a good company kept the commissions coming. It appears that he was obviously financially savvy and is now enjoying a good life in retirement.

What else has he done?  He's volunteered. He's given back. Through his church and through service organizations. He was in the Rotary Club for nearly 30 years and he was a member of the United Way.  Something was missing though, if you can believe it! (His words, not mine) and he discovered through prayer and reflection, that it was a deep longing to assist people in a spiritual capacity. Alex's quest to make a difference in people's lives brought him to volunteering in the Spiritual Care Department at our local hospital filling the void that he had felt.  As a result, he has become passionate about Spiritual Care. I met him as a fellow volunteer at least ten years ago. I have always been impressed by him as have others in the hospital. Here's one gem though that I hadn't heard from him until now. "Gail," he said, "I have sat and listened to people who are in real pain, and it's not just physical pain, and through this I have learned to listen and I have listened to learn."Alex then added, "my son told me that's what I needed to do and so I have put it into practice."

My friend Alex hasn't always had an easy life but he acknowledges that without hardship, there is no growth. He always kept his optimism and he's always known that he has to make the most of his life on this earth.  He's been a good provider, a good father and a wonderful husband.  Right now, he has made some choices that haven't been easy. He'll be making a major move to be closer to family. His lovely wife has some health challenges and it means that they will have to move in order to  have some supports in place but he meets this challenge with practicality and wisdom.

I didn't doodle while I listened to Alex, but rather I made some notes on paper about his appearance: -Neatly cropped beard and -he's wearing Tilley (brand of shirt) and I jotted some of his words of wisdom like "Live today, this is the only life you have" and "enjoy every minute".

Always ready to learn something new, Alex bought himself a computer in his 80's and he emails, websurfs, and is a fan of my blog! A lover of books, he enthusiastically recommends his current favorite: "Seeking the Heart of Wisdom: The path of insight and meditation"  by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield.

Alex Ramsay is still learning and eagerly passing on wisdom, exemplifying the body, mind, and spirit of which we are made,  nourishing all those dimensions and inspiring us to live happily to a ripe ol' age.

Old Man In Nursing Home Reacts To Hearing Music From His Era

Happy and Helpful

Every seniors care facility needs a Ron, a Terry, a Verna, or a Nora, but not all at once!  They are the residents who have severe memory loss and are roaming around ready to help at a moment's notice.  They are the people who are blissfully content and absolutely adorable.

Ron, a former search and rescue pilot, stands around the nursing station with his fingers sneaking under the glass grabbing at  pencils, paper and binders.  Sometimes, he gets the gate open and sneaks in to do some paper shuffling and filing.  Occasionally, he just follows behind the employees and gets into the office with them and tries to pick up the telephone when it rings.

Terry, obviously a former organizer of some sort, I suspect perhaps a travel agent before retirement, is organizing tours to get out of the locked facility.  "Come on ", she urges the other inmates, "you have to get through security, the plane will be leaving soon".  Other times she has people convinced they are going on a bus tour or a cruise ship. "You must line up here folks, the bus will be coming soon." or "I think if you come with me, you will be very pleased with the room"

Verna, was originally in the emergency ward with my father, and is cute, huggable, and  oh so crafty in her attempts to escape.  She required a security guard to ensure she didn't break out of ER. It was for her own good, she would have got lost wearing nothing but hospital issued p.j.s. That would have been a real tragedy.

A few months later, Verna just happened to be discharged from hospital and was admitted into the same facility as my dad, and like him, seems to be more settled now.  She is no longer in the hospital gown but is wearing a pant suit and carrying a purse. She is easily mistaken for a visitor and not a resident. This has led to people using the code on the key pad and letting her out because she insists she has to catch a bus. Fortunately this security breach was caught shortly afterwards and Verna was chased by frantic staff who got her back into safety before she did get on a bus!

My husband had been forewarned by me about Verna so he was prepared when he met her. What he wasn't expecting though was her willingness to rent the facility to him. She walked him around the seniors residence explaining that she owned it and that she could rent the dining hall to him and if needed she could shut or open areas for smaller or larger gatherings!

Although Verna is delusional about the part she plays at the home, the staff let her continue to be "in charge" and she maintains her cheerful optimism, her willingness to assist, and her incredible gift of music. She  plays beautifully on the care home piano and entertains many of the staff members and visitors on a daily basis.

And last but not least, let me tell you about Nora, a lady of about 70, with dementia. She's really robust and ready to help anyone at anytime.  She is often seen pushing patients in wheelchairs, folding laundry and escorting new visitors to see patients.

Unfortunately, I don't think we can choose how we are going to behave if and when we get dementia. We can only hope that we will be good natured and happy with our situation.  It makes things go so much smoother. One of my demented clients stated it quite well, saying, "It's one thing to lose your mind and not know it, but to be losing your mind and know it, is a very sad thing". In her case she had been a doctor of psychiatry and found it troubling and overwhelming and she wallowed in despair.

One of my favorite prayers that I recite daily affirms to the Creator that "I will be a happy and joyful being". I  hope I remember those words when I get older and perhaps I can add a request that I can be a helpful being under all circumstances.

Open to Suggestions

How often is it that you get a chance to voice your concern over treatment at a hospital? I thought it was wonderful that I received a survey when picking up my father upon his discharge from the geriatric ward last week.  Dad had overstayed his welcome. They needed his bed for others who were requiring acute care.

After nearly a three month stint in hospital, my mother and I were offered placement for him at a  local intermediate care facility. We accepted, although we are still hoping to get him into a care home closer to where Mom lives.  Ideally we would have liked to have him return to his home but his memory issues had become bigger than all of us.

Getting back to the survey, I had very little bad to say about his stay in hospital.  Dad enjoyed the food and the service was good.  Sure, it wasn't home, but most of the nurses, care aids, kitchen staff, activity workers, occupational therapists, social workers, etc. tried their darndest to make my father feel at ease.

As the head nurse and the social worker told me, my comments would help them to work even better as a team.  My only bit of constructive criticism was a slight chastisement of some of the staff ( a very small percentage of them) who spoke to dementia patients like it was their own fault they were agitated. Instead of recognizing the memory problem and confusion as being scary and uncontrolled, a couple of them had responded to Dad's insecurity with "so, what else is new?" or  "He's always scared".

Many of the staff members were amazing. It isn't an easy job to have the same question asked of you over and over again or having disturbing vocalizations going on for hours at a time. The hospital employees of ward 2-SE held their heads high and with a kind word or touch made patients and family members feel at ease.  They spoke to distressed patients in the manner they deserved to be spoken to, with kindness and compassion.  Replacing the queries of the patients with "I think maybe you feel nervous because you don't know what is going on."  Adding, "Perhaps I can help you feel better about this situation".

  Some worked a full shift to 11pm and then when a co-worker called in sick, they came back and worked again the next morning at 7am.  Not much turn around time to be well-rested and happy, but amazingly, they were.

I didn't make note of these things on the survey, there wasn't really a place for too many compliments. There were your basic questions about food, cleanliness, etc. Was I "really satisfied", "somewhat satisfied", "disappointed/did not meet expectations".  Believe me, I was quite satisfied.  My father received above average care in a brand new facility. The head nurse thanked me for handing in my survey and said she would pass along my comments to the social worker to read and process and make recommendations.

Thinking back on it now, I should have mentioned in the comments section that the taps were a little hard to operate for someone who is accustomed to using knobs to turn on and off the water. The 'wave your hands' under the faucet took a while for someone with memory issues to remember. Of course I realize those types of units are installed for sanitation reasons. Fewer germs if one does not have to turn on and off taps.  As well, learning to operate the lights in his room was difficult for him, as the switches weren't always close to the light source.

It's give and take there at the hospital and I did take suggestions from the staff as well.  Recommendations to buy my father some non-slip socks. The kind with rubberized soles. Since he didn't like to wear his slippers, the socks would be a good addition to his wardrobe and keep him safe from potential falls.  Medical supply stores have those kind of stockings and I will be picking up a pair or two tomorrow.

Other ideas that were given to me by relatives, I certainly took note of, like recommending to my mother that she hire a driver to take her to and from the hospital to see Dad.  She mostly preferred riding the two buses but on occasion let people drive her the 30 minute trip to visit at the hospital.

Although I have worked with seniors with dementia for many years I am not too proud to learn new tricks. Redirecting negative thoughts of loved ones to reflect the positive things, is still a skill that I am acquiring. The social worker loaned my mother and I a DVD which contained lots of useful information on dealing with the grief, anger, and loss, that people go through when losing a family member in the fog of Alzheimer's Disease/Dementia.

Taking time for myself even though the guilt and desire to be at my father's side overwhelms me, has been a hard one to learn. My friend suggested I join her beginners yoga class, which I did this past Monday.  I haven't achieved Nirvana (actually it wasn't Buddhist meditation) in just one lesson but I learned some breathing exercises, some good stretches, and had the best nap I've had in ages.

"Namaste" one and all!  When we are open to suggestions, we honour the spirit in ourselves and each other.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Sparkle the Clown had a lot of living to do.  She had discovered a lump in her breast too late and the cancer had spread to her bone.  Always the optimist, Sparkle, who was also known as my friend Lyn, said she had too many things she wanted to do and didn't plan on dying for quite a while.

The Christmas cards kept arriving from her, year after year, and she usually mailed them before she took her annual trip to sunny places to see friends and to golf.  She loved to golf. Come to think of it she loved a lot of things. She loved people and kids, and she loved her ruby red shoes (closest thing to Dorothy's from Wizard of Oz that I have ever seen!) and she loved organizing gatherings.

She instigated the annual ClownFest in our town.  Her smile was infectious, her jokes corny, her zeal and enthusiasm contagious.  Even when she was getting sicker and sicker, she could still put on a strong voice when she called me up on the phone. "Hey Gail, it's Lyn"  "I want to invite you to something"!

The FUNraiser she put together last fall was to raise money for a new medication that was doing a trial run and was not covered by our medicare.  She knew it was going to be expensive and not guaranteed to work but she wanted to give it a try anyway.  So, she organized a musical evening, which included a silent auction and entertainment.  She sang her trademark song "People are One" and everyone clapped and joined in.

The cancer had spread to all parts of her body and I am sure she was in a considerable amount of pain but  in true clown fashion, she kept smiling that whole evening.  Everyone had a great time and Lyn phoned me the next day to report that over $3,000 had been raised!

She intended to go somewhere warm for a month or so and then come back to her home for some treatment but she was getting frailer and that trip never happened.  I visited her in hospice a few times in January and she could still smile and say a few words. She held court and many friends and family came to be with her.  Cards from so many who loved her adorned her room.  I read one to her that had just arrived at the same time I walked in the door.  It was from the Fall Fair Committee and they thanked her for her many years of service doing face painting and balloon animals for the children who visited the annual event.

I was sorry she was going to be leaving this world. She was only in her 60's and I knew I was going to miss her joie de vivre.  One of the last times I saw her, I asked her to do me a favour. We had a mutual friend, an Irish lady named Pat, who had passed from cancer nearly ten years ago.  I said "Lyn, when you get to the other side, can you send me a sign that you and Pat have met up and that you're having a good time?  She nodded and indicated that she would, indeed do that.

A couple of times before she passed away, I was at the hospital visiting my father and while walking to the parking lot to get in my car, a little hummingbird kept chirping in the tree outside hospice.  I know that the hummingbird in many cultures is considered a sign of the soul and it crossed my mind that perhaps Lyn's   departure was very close at hand.  Sure enough, the next day I got word from Lyn's husband that she had left peacefully just after midnight.

Yesterday, while driving to Lyn's funeral through the pouring rain, I saw a rainbow ahead and it went from one side of the burial park to the other, and  I started thinking could this be the sign?  A rainbow is certainly a wonderful thing to see right before a funeral!  But, was this "my" sign that she had promised?  I recalled a movie I had seen when I was a youngster called "Finian's Rainbow" about a leprechaun --that sign of good luck and  pot of gold legend synonymous with Ireland.  I parked my car and walked to the gravesite, holding my bright red umbrella above my head. The sun started shining and as I stood there waiting for the service to begin, a leprechaun walked by me!  I  kid you not, it was Lyn's son, he had decided to come to his Mom's funeral in a sparkly green leprechaun suit with a sparkly green clown/leprechaun hat !  There were other clowns there too, not so strange, but a Leprechaun? That really was MY sign.    Thanks Lyn and Pat!

I know this sounds far fetched but I swear every word is true.  To see a picture of Lyn, click on this link:

http://www.clownsandcompany.com

Body, Mind, and Spirit

The Victoria Health Show is an annual two day event that brings together suppliers and distributors who deal in health related products.  Each January it is one of my favorite places to visit in my home town and ranks right up there in my books with the Victoria Tea Festival and the Victoria Chocolate Festival and the Organic Islands Show.  Last year I added the Coffee Festival to my list of trade shows to browse.  The latter had me bouncing off walls after sampling hot and cold coffees, coffee beans, coffee candies, and biscotti. I discovered the smooth decaf just a little too late. What a lot of fun though!

I am neither a supplier nor a distributor. I am a consumer. I love going from booth to booth enjoying the free samples, the demos, the wealth of information, the prize draws and the discounted items to buy. Yesterday was no exception and as I made my way through the crowds at the Health Show, I gleaned more knowledge of what is good for us to eat, what will aid in our longevity and how to keep our brain healthy.

Green drinks that are palatable and don't taste like mowed lawn are high on my list of things you should have in your cupboard.  You mix a teaspoon or so in water or juice and down the hatch.  If you eat at least 8 servings of fruits and vegetables every day, you may not see the need to have one of these products in your house but I feel that if I have some in the morning, I am covered for the day, just in case I don't get a bit of broccoli and kale into the gullet.

Every pantry should have at least one salt substitute, something like Mrs. Dash or if you're going to use salt, trying using less or adding a pinch of Himalayan salt or something from a source a little closer to home like Canadian Sea Salt from the Vancouver Island Salt Co.

I have become wiser about the cooking oils and salad dressing oils I buy. My cupboard now boasts rice bran oil, ( I received a free bottle at the show yesterday....thank you CarrotLines.com) olive oil, grapeseed oil, and macadamia nut oil. I am now educated about flax seed as well and will give you a source to check out at the end of this blog.  Also, met a friend who is excited about the benefits of Aloe.  She's lost weight using a product that she absolutely raves about. 

You can see where I am headed with all this info, right?  Making Dying Fun is a place where I generally write about the elderly and dementia or something related to Boomers, retirement, aging parents, yadda, yadda.  This installment is really no different. We have to look after our bodies so they don't break down prematurely.  We have to care for our minds as best we can, learn new skills such as drumming. Sounds so random, but did you know that drumming has been proven to really exercise our brain?!

Here's a tip I didn't learn at the show, I have known it for a while. Our spirits need nourishment too.  Please don't neglect yours!  Random acts of kindness, selfless acts of service, practising forgiveness, looking to a higher power, praying, meditating, will all provide sustenance for your soul.

None of us are getting out of here alive. We can't pack a kit bag for our departure but we can make some preparations in terms of eternal happiness.  I explained that to one of the vendors at the Victoria Health Show yesterday. His company is an environmentally friendly company making pens and paper and displays from green energies and materials. We began discussing my book that I eventually want to have published and in the course of our conversation, after I told him the title of my blog, he told me about his visits with his grandfather who had dementia. He said he hadn't minded hearing the same stories over and over or sitting with him even if there was nothing to say.  I relayed my insight to him as best I could.  Although his grandfather's body was breaking down, that it in no way affected his soul. The soul is free from the maladies of the body and brain. I added that I feel that our spirit or soul is our unique essence and that it is eternal. My new friend showed me the goosebumps up and down his arm. He wasn't cold, he was just absolutely moved by our conversation.

I arrived home giddy with delight hauling three bags full of brochures, samples of vitamins, hemp granola bars, Greek style yogurt,gluten free cereal and my free rice bran oil from the show!  The highlight though wasn't the loot I brought back with me although it was awesome, the pinacle was talking to Jeff about his grandfather and having a truly meaningful conversation.  We need all three elements of body, mind, and spirit to get the best out of living.




Links from above:
http://www.victoriateafestival.com/
http://www.coffeecollective.ca/
http://www.organicislands.ca/
http://www.canadiangoldenflaxseed.com/
http://www.rhythmconnect.com/
http://www.5min.com/video/exercising-your-brain-97705977
The Victoria Health Show is over for this year but you can find out about it by going to www.healthshows.com

Life Happens

A lot has happened since I last blogged. In early December, my dear father ended up in the seniors mental health ward of the local hospital.  He had headed for home while my mother was at the dentist and got disoriented, ending up at a local gas station, asking the attendant to call an ambulance for him.  You see, he had gone out without his wallet and i.d. and had no recollection of his address.  If he had that kind of information on him, I suppose the young clerk would have just called a taxi instead to take my father home. As it was though, Dad ended up at emerg and I met him there.

It was not a very nice week and that week stretched into a month and here we are at the seven week mark.  It has been an anxious time for him and a stressful time for my mother, and myself, and for my brothers who live far away.  It's been hard for the grandchildren to see him in angst. 

There have been consultations with a geriatric team. The occupational therapist who makes assessments about my father's ability to cope was at one of the meetings. So was the geriatric psychiatrist, the social worker, the liaison nurse, and of course my mother and myself.

It was heartbreaking to make the decision that he could no longer be at home. With the level of dementia he has which affects his frontal lobe, the place where reason, logic, and emotion are housed, it is not a good idea to have him live in the same residence as my Mom.  The guilt gushed forth. How could she after standing by this man for decades of marriage, do this to him?

December 28th was their 60th wedding anniversary. We had a small lunch time gathering for them in a lounge at the hospital. It was as nice as it could be, considering the circumstances.  We had pizza and there were balloons and  flowers. I tried to create a Hawaiian themed party reminiscent of  the honeymoon they had taken to those tropical isles so many years ago.

It was actually my 26th wedding anniversary that same day. However, my husband was out of town at the hospital bedside of his mother who had suffered a stroke over Christmas!  I woke up that morning thinking of that saying "when it rains, it pours"!  It certainly had been stormy over this period!

It's a new year now and we wait for his placement at a care facility.  We keep our fingers crossed that we can get him into someplace close to their home so that Mom can easily visit him.

As I have learned victory always follows crisis. Happiness shows up after despair. Things have not all been bleak. December 31st was the due date for my first grandchild. He or she was to be my parents third great-grandchild.  We played a waiting game, through New Year's and then finally the little one arrived!  On Friday the thirteenth of January, we welcomed a 7lb 9oz boy into the world!

The angelic face of this new addition to our family graces the wall of my father's hospital room.  He is hope for the future.  His photograph is surrounded by other pictures of the two great grandaughters and other smiling family members.  Dad is surrounded by love. He may feel alone sometimes but I remind him every night when I phone him to say goodnight that he is never alone. We are with him in thought. He has caring nurses and every day is a new one for him with a steady stream of visitors.

We have so much to be thankful for. Life happens!